Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

Why does my mom allow my dad to control everything she does?

My mom is very much Christian, but like most humans, she nitpicks. 

One of her strong beliefs is to allow the husband to be the leader of the household, and even more than that, the dictator. 

Because of this, she has allowed my dad to run her whole life. She can't make many or any decisions without him. She actually makes more money than he does. In fact, she makes the bulk of it. She gets a hefty monthly bonus and for decades he's taken it from her and spent it on himself. 

I just recently found out about that, and I was shocked. 

I've been married to my husband for a year and 3 months, and some of the things I've learned from much older married couples is so surprising, I feel naive for being in such disbelief. 

I mean, I expect this from couples that have been together for as long as my grandparents. But not people my parent's age. 

My father has, in short, eaten up her life. And to a similar extent, mine. 

I tell my own husband about these things and he is just as surprised as I am. I tell him what I'm about to do if I know it's going to affect him. He doesn't control me, he doesn't tell me what to do unless it's incredibly important and the same goes to him.  

My mom has told me in the past that if she could go back in time she would marry better even if that meant never having me. And she loves me to the point of hovering, so, to say that she must feel a lot of emotional pain that's built up over time. And I feel so badly for her. 

3 Answers

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  • 1 month ago

    Your Mom is old school and has some idea she IS REQUIRED to stay with your father, happy or not.

    Meanwhile, she can leave anytime she likes, or tell your father to leave, but i don't think it's going to happen. Not sure why you "feel sorry for" your Mother. She made her choice, and continues to make her choice, to stay with your father.

    If that changes, i'm sure she will tell you about it.

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  • 1 month ago

    circle of life, u live what u are taught. u cant fix them.

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Her beliefs do matter, and it’s her life. Going back in time isn’t an option for her. She has made a commitment and is sticking to it.

    Do the same with your commitments. Your integrity is your greatest asset.

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