Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

Did I do the right thing with my ex wife?

I ran into my ex wife Connie’s brother at a party and he told me Connie was getting married. Since we are on friendly terms, I thought it appropriate, I sent her a nice wedding gift and a note wishing her a long, happy marriage.

I got a thank you note from her telling me how much she liked the gift. The note also ask me not to contact her again as her new husband did not want her to have any contact with other men, especially me. I email her that I understood and I did not want to cause her any problems with her marriage.

I had not heard from her for over a year when she called me. She ask if she could stay with me while she was getting a divorce. I told her I did not think that was a good idea. I would however help her find an apartment where she could live. I was thinking having a married woman live with me while she was still married might cause us both problems.

Then she told me she was the victim of domestic violence and was afraid her husband might hurt her or something ever worse. I told her to come to my house to stay for a while and not tell ANYONE where she was.

I hope I made the right decision. Do you think I did? What should I do now to help her live on her on?

3 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    As someone who has seen 2 close friends go through this, I think you need to protect yourself much better.  Sure, in the moment, if she needed a roof over her head, it's ok to give her this, but there have to be stipulations.  Just read the headlines if you're curious what might happen to you if he figures out where she is.  And trust me, he will.  It's awful what she's going through, but it's not fair of her to put you in this kind of danger for more than a couple days.  Also, don't forget that the most dangerous time for an abused woman is when she leaves the abuser.  He will be in a rage.  Right now, all he wants to do is find her.

    Your goal should be to get her out of there by the end of the weekend.  Google your state (include nearby states, if applicable) and DV shelters.  Make a list of phone numbers starting with the closest.  Then give her this list, explain why this has to happen, and ask her to start calling.  Also, remind her she'll start doing better as soon as she's in the shelter.   She'll be surrounded by people, she won't feel lonely and she'll start getting help.  These shelters do more than house and feed people.

    You need to be very firm on this, though.

    PS - All of us should be reporting myfavouritelucy every time she cries troll.  This is a site violation.

    • ...Show all comments
      Lv 5
      1 month agoReport

      YES everyone reading this should report  myfavouritelucy. Lets clean up yahoo answers.

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  • 1 month ago

    nope u didnt make the write decision. SHE is selfish to be ok with involving u in her junk. She needs to get her self a place to live and be mature.

    good luck hun, i hope i helped!

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  • 1 month ago

    If you are willing to face the potential troubles her husband might present to help her, than you are doing nothing wrong. She’s being abused and is scared. She’s getting a divorce. It doesn’t matter what anybody else has to say about it at this point. She’s trying to do what’s best for her and needs some support, which you’re offering. However, for practical reasons, you should definitely focus on getting her back on her feet so she can live on her own rather than depend on her ex. If she feels like she has to depend on you she’ll never rely on her own strength, which she needs to do if she’s going to avoid a situation like this in the future.

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