digis asked in Society & CultureLanguages · 8 months ago

Fluent speakers of English, could you help me with my English?

I need to translate a text but I'm not sure it sounds natural for English speakers as I'm not a native speaker. Do I need to make any corrections? I would appreciate any answers.

The ceremony to mark the victory at the battle was impressive. In the evening, the entire city was lit up.

The illuminated installation arranged on the hill of the Church of the Benedictine Monastery looked magical: the monogram of Napoleon the Great glowed among the towering maples, creating reflections in the nearby lake. Bright lightning appeared in the clouds and every volley fired by a cannon was accompanied with carabine gunfires carried out by a French unit on an illuminated island of the lake.

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  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    The ceremony marking the battle victory was impressive. In the evening, the entire city was illuminated.

    The lighting installation arranged on the hill of the Church of the Benedictine Monastery looked magical: the monogram of Napoleon the Great glowed among the towering maples, creating reflections on the nearby lake. Bright lights appeared on the clouds and every volley fired by a cannon was accompanied with carabine gunfire by a French unit on an illuminated island in the lake.

  • 8 months ago

    The only thing I'd change is "gunfires" to "gunfire". Sounds singular but gunfire can be from one or multiple weapons, in context people will understand it correctly.

    Also I'd just double check the use of the colon before the monogram, it may be a semi-colon but I'm not confident

    Otherwise, well written

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