Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 8 months ago

Why does my stepson hate me ?

So my teenage stepson absolutely hates me, to the point he lies to his mum & dad saying I’ve said this & I’ve done that to him (bad things like swore at him & not fed him his breakfast) he lives with me and his dad full time & has done since he was 7 years old. I’ve tried loads to build a relationship with him but he’s very close to his mum & hates me for taking on that role as “mum” the reason he lives with us is because his mum turned to drugs but is clean now, she’ll never get full custody back though as my husband is adamant she’ll go back down that road. She sees him weekly and I’m pretty sure she’s poisoning him into thinking I’m a terrible person. I’m at my wits end I generally have started to feel like I want to leave my husband. My stepson isn’t in school because he’s been expelled from 5 schools he gets taught at home from a tutor. So I don’t get no break from him. Also we’ve got 3 other children together so it’s really tricky I can’t just get up and leave but also I can’t ask my husband to leave with his son. I want to build a positive relationship with him but he don’t care for me. Help please.

14 Answers

Relevance
  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    Start wearing very revealing clothes.  Give him a free shot on a daily basis.  He will warm up to you.

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    You already know why and you've laid it out quite articulately. What you're really seeking is a resolution to the situation you understand very well. That would probably be some family counseling for the three of you to see if you can break whatever spell his mom has him under.

  • 8 months ago

    He s a teenager. 

  • 8 months ago

    Hold on tight! Your own kids will turn into teenagers too. Teenagers are often horrible to the grownups they live with. They see the injustices' of the world and rarely have figured out how incredibly good it feels to be thankful instead.

    Source(s): Stepmother for 34 years. We had the kids through their teen years too... in our case it was because their mother got sick and tired of their teenage attitudes!
  • What do you think of the answers? You can sign in to give your opinion on the answer.
  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    ALL of you need to speak to a counselor.  The child obviously has anger issues.  Expelled from 5 schools?  This is only going to get worse.

    There's no "easy" answer.

  • 8 months ago

    Have you considered counseling?  As another poster noted - the kid has likely been through a lot and has a lot of anger.  You happen to be a convenient target.  Meanwhile, you can't force the kid to love or even like you, but you and your husband should be putting up a united front in demanding you be treated with a certain level of respect.  That includes not making up lies about you.

  • mmm
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    as long as your husband is supporting you and believes you? that is all you can hope for at this point

    I am in a similar situation and it doesn't help that his mother poisons him - I've heard her say it, its not like she hides it . . .

    Just remember there isn't much you can do but love him

  • 8 months ago

    You can want a relationship with him until the cows come home, but it wont make a difference.  Obviously, this young man has had a rough upbrining with a drug addict mom, on top of it he is a teenager and his hormones are raging, which doesn't help.  I think its fair to assume that the kid has some pretty significant emotional challenges/problems to overcome, possibly even has some mental illness due to what he has been through with his mother.  Your relationship with him will not improve until he begins to mature and that may not be for a very long time.  He needs therapy, big time.

    It is certainly possible that his mom is putting things in his head as well as you pointed out.  This is up to your husband to deal with, he needs to deal with his son, who is clearly out of control considering he has been expelled from 5 schools and is disrespectful too you.  This is the downside to dating/marrying people with children, there is almost always drama with the kids and gamesmanship between the birth parent and the step parent.  If this does not get handled, this little sh!t will ruin your marriage, I assure you.  Make sure it gets handled otherwise your going to be contacting a lawyer fairly soon.

  • Tj
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    You need to sit with your husband and come to a solution, then sit his butt down and both you and your husband walk this out. There are also military academies for him.

  • 8 months ago

    Good luck. Unless there are drug, or mental issues he's probably acting out for attention. He's the odd man out and wants to separate you from YOUR husband and children. His mom is his hero because she puts him on a pedestal. Offer him $100 cash for a clean drug test, it took my son 35 days for his system to be clean. Oh and here's the kick in the teeth. Hug him, tell him you love him and let him know you want to give him that money. It's a long run.

    My son is a high end technician that oversees a quad state region in the US. He, his wife and 2 kids and a dog are doing great.

    Again, good luck.

Still have questions? Get answers by asking now.