Husband touched daughter whilst he was sleeping?

So my daughter (12) and husband (her step dad) was watching a movie together. They both fell asleep on the couch and my daughter woke up to him rubbing her in an inappropriate place. She got very upset and obviously I took her away. But she is certain that he was sleeping whilst doing it. 

When I confronted him he was in shock. 

What do I do? I feel sick and would do anything for my daughter. She said she doesn’t want us to split up as that would ruin her life. She says nothing has ever happened like this before. My husband has been there since she was 3 years old. 

10 Answers

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    8 months ago
    Favourite answer

    First you remove him from the home, this is important as you need to prove to your daughter that you're taking this seriously. Then if you want to do some family counseling, some psych assessment on your husband and all the other things that might glean the truth you'll do that. But if you just ignore this your daughter will be a pregnant stripper by the age of 16 and will battle drug addiction until it kills her. Take this seriously, Mom. There's a special place in hell for women who allow their children to be victimized just to keep a man. No man is worth what sexual abuse does to the life of a victim.

  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    Confrontation solves a lot. I say put them both in the same room with you and ask as many questions as you want. His response, and her response gonna tell you everything you need to know... Pray for discernment

  • 8 months ago

    She’s more grown up now. I don’t know her but I would guess she doesn’t look like a little girl anymore. He was pretending to be asleep. He was shocked because he got caught.

  • 8 months ago

    HE WAS NOT ASLEEP. You take her to a doctor to be checked out, and file a police report.

  • What do you think of the answers? You can sign in to give your opinion on the answer.
  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    In my State -

    1 - This is sexual assault and reporting it to the authorities is YOUR responsibility;

    2 - He needs to speak to a counselor;

    3 - The child needs to speak to a counselor;

    4 - OF COURSE the child doesn't want to be the cause of a divorce;

    5 - You keep the daughter and your husband APART;

    6 - I don't believe this happened "in his sleep."  How many times has he molested you when you were sleeping?

    7 - It is YOUR duty to keep your daughter safe.

  • 8 months ago


  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    If he was genuinely asleep then maybe he thought he was touching his wife.  Please do not make too big a deal out of this and give him this one time pass and talk to your daughter about sex immediately.  Guys will grab their wives while they are sleeping and not remember.  Just do not let them fall asleep again on the couch together and get them separate chairs if you can afford it or go to a thrift store and get one and if it doesn't match put a cover on it. Please do not split up your family.  I would not at this point even tell anyone and keep it a secret.  Heck once my adopted dad hugged me and accidentally touched my boobs when he hugged me and I ignored it and we never spoke of it.  Keep in mind I loved this guy like a Dad and he gave me away at my wedding. Have never told this to anyone and telling you so you can see sometimes it is just best to ignore these things. Sit down all there of you and say a prayer to God to help you work it out and do not break up your precious family.  If some on this question say awful things ignore the comments sweetie because I sense your question is asked out of genuine need. 

  • 8 months ago

    One question could solve all this. Does he ever do that to you when sleeping or half asleep? Does he sometimes rub you like that?

    Yes? Then it could be, just because he was half asleep, he thought he was in bed with you, touching you that way.

    No? Then he was touching up your daughter - consciously or subconsciously - and you have BIG problems that need intervention NOW and not later. 

    Unlike some other I do not think she would simply lie about this. 

    So what is your answer?

    Yes, then just keeping them physically apart is all that should be needed. No suggling down on the couch together. Simply pick separate chairs. Easy fix.

  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    If he did it he wasn’t sleeping. There is something wrong with your story.

    Assuming she actually told you he was rubbing her, and she’s “certain” he was sleeping, tell her not to fall asleep on the couch with him. 

    Feel sick if you’re making this up. Otherwise have a nice day. 

  • Ana
    Lv 6
    8 months ago


    First- (and I know this might offend you, but please for your own good hear me out)- First, your daughters words and her actions are not congruent. She says she doesn’t want you to break up (which means she was thinking about you guys breaking up), and yet she told you about it and acted super upset. Whether it happened or not, she DOES seem to wanna break y’all up. If she really liked him that much, chances are most kids (right or wrong) would’ve not said a word of it bcuz they didn’t want to lose the dad. So the fact she told you, indicates she DOES want to cause trouble and get you to dump him.

    I’m not saying he did it or didn’t do it, we can’t know for sure. But your daughter isn’t telling you the whole truth here (about her wanting to break y’all up) so it calls into question her honesty. It’s sketch bcuz she CLAIMS to not wanna break y’all up, but her actions indicate otherwise, which says she’s not being entirely truthful. 

    Also, how could she know if he was asleep or not? That part doesn’t make a lot of sense. If she was that confident that he did it, why would she assume he was sleeping? Even if (hypothetically, IF it occurred) if his eyes were closed, most girls would *ASSUME* he was secretly awake and molesting them. So it’s odd she’d say so confidently that he was asleep during it. 

    It’s almost like she wants to make an allegation that she knows he won’t be able to deny (IE, he can’t deny what he allegedly did in his sleep). This tells me she might be lying bcuz she’s making assumptions that most girls in that situation wouldn’t know and definitely wouldn’t assume, just so she can frame the allegations in such a way that he can’t deny them. 


    If he’s lived with you 9 years then give him the benefit of the doubt that he was sleeping. Step-parents always get treated like dogsh^t, let’s be honest. 

    From now on I simply would recommend your daughter and him not fall asleep on the same couch together, just to be on the safe side. But don’t always be assuming bad things about him either. But there’s no real reason for him to “cuddle” a kid who isn’t his daughter, good intentions or not. Not saying it’s his fault bcuz I know he’s been wanting to be a good dad. But yeah

    Third: On yahoo answers I see a lot of questions people ask about them finding out their daughter lied to them, like they have legit undeniable proof of it (and of course they’re very distraught at finding this out).

    The reality is your daughter is capable of lying, and so is your stepdad. The question is, which one is lying? 

    The allegations are huge, but in my personal opinion, they’re more likely to be false allegations than they are true allegations. I’d say 75% chance of being false. 

Still have questions? Get answers by asking now.