What's a good thesis statement for peer pressure?

I am trying to come up with a thesis statement for English. Currently, my thesis statement is,  "students can academically benefit and harm in relation to the three different types of peer pressure which are, social belongingness, curiosity, and cultural parenting." However, I was told to tighten it up, any suggestions? 

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  • Lili
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    That is a really poorly-written opening sentence.

    Forget about the concept of a "thesis statement". It just confuses people. It makes them think that they have to present their entire argument in one sentence at the opening of an essay.

    No serious writer does that. I cannot fathom why teachers demand that students do it. I can only assume that they can't write themselves.

    What you need to be doing is presenting your basic argument in your opening  paragraph (not just one sentence), but even there, you don't have to present the entire thing right away. AND you need to do this arrestingly -- in a way that captures the readers' attention.  Formulae for writing always result in BAD writing.

    So, let's fix your grammar and syntax (really bad) and your opening concept.  First, you need to understand that a "thesis" is an argument, so you need to be presenting the argument you will be making in your essay. Here's the way I would deal with the subject:

    "Peer pressure among high school students has long been a concern for parents, teachers, and social service professionals.  More recently, and especially because of social media, concerns regarding peer pressure have increased and given rise to a wide variety of professional responses. In this paper, I will be examining and analyzing a number of these and offering an opinion as to which might be most effective."

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