Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 8 months ago

Can I/should I ask my mom not to mention this to my new husband?

When I was married to John, my mom thought of him as the son she never had. Mom’s favorite thing EVER is to go out to a restaurant for dinner. So once a month we would take her to Sizzler or Golden Corral for a meal which she really enjoyed. I though these “dates” would end with our friendly divorce. I was wrong. For the past year John has been taking mom out to dinner once a month as we used to do.

Mom did not tell me about this until recently. She said she knew I was trying to get on with my life without John so she did not want to remind me of him. She said there is one difference now than when we went out to dinner. He takes her to Ruth’s Chris or Mortons for a steak, her favorite meal. She told me they are the best meals she ever had in her entire life. I checked the prices of these restaurants and they should be great for the prices they charge.

Mom gets her hair and nails done before each of these meals and is VERY HAPPY for a long time after each of these meals. I am not sure how I should feel about this. I want mom to be happy and John doing this for her makes her very happy.

However he is my ex and if I get married again which I plan to do soon, will it be awkward for him to continue to do this if there is a new husband in the picture for me. Can I ask my mom to not tell anyone that John is doing this for her? Please give me some advice on how to handle this?

3 Answers

  • 8 months ago
    Favourite answer

    Why exactly this bothers you? To me it just sounds like your ex husband has a good relationship with your mother. Their relationship doesn't have anything to do with you. They are friends and John is treating a friend so what's the issue here?

    My sister was in a long relationship w someone for 8 years, we all are good friends w this guy's parents and siblings. His ex's wife doesn't care bc she knows what place she has in their family. Why your future husband should care about what your mother does in her free time?

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    i would ask her not to mention it

  • 8 months ago

    NO. Why does it have to be a secret? Your mother is friends with John. She will also be friends with your new husband too. She is entitled to have as many male friends as she wants. YOU don't have to see John very often. YOU don't have to go out and have cosy dinners with him. All that is history as far as you are concerned. It's also history to John so he doesn't take you out to dinner nowadays. But he is still friends with your mother and likes her and makes her happy by escorting her to a monthly dinner date. That is lovely. Sounds like you picked a nice guy when you married John. I'm sure that your next husband is going to be an equally nice guy and you and he (and perhaps also mother) will forge NEW memories and traditions. Perhaps the three of you can go out to places your mother would enjoy - even dinners at different venues. This isn't a competition. Why complicate matters by keeping secret what your mother does with your ex husband, her ex son-in-law. You and she would be on eggshells in your new husband's presence, fearful that you'll let the cat out of the bag. What cat? What bag? And if you did, how would your new husband feel knowing he'd been kept in the dark about this? I think he'd feel like YOU still had feelings for John and be VERY upset.

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