Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsOther - Family & Relationships · 10 months ago

Was this or is this you? Waiting until the kids finish school before leaving?

I’m looking for other people who are or have been in this situation. I am with my husband who barely leaves his computer outside of work. All day and much of the night he is playing online games. Any spare chance. He does the basics outside of that like taking my son to sport or hanging up the washing if I ask. He does virtually nothing else and isn’t really present in our lives other than that because he is quick to anger or get upset if we interrupt him. He will help the kids with homework amongst the gaming as well and he works full time. Talking to him is difficult as he is mostly on his computer or wanting to be on his computer. Even my father today said that he doesn’t have commitment outside of that. Due to my and his work it would be very difficult for me to leave (or ask him to) while the kids are at school for another 6 yrs. after they graduate it would be easier. We don’t have fights or anything I am just completely let down by him. I am embarrassed to say to others what he does all day but don’t want to hide it either. I want to get out but I am biding my time until it makes practical sense to leave. I don’t respect him for what he has done here too. In other ways I do (he is good at his job) but just with this I am not at all satisfied and would rather be on my own. I have waited this long I just will hold on a little longer. I am looking for other people in this situation rather than anyone to tell me what to do. Please let me know if you are or have been here

Update:

Thanks all I’m looking for people who have waited to leave than dealt with screen addiction.

5 Answers

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    10 months ago

    Most married people have hit points where they've had this thought. But responsible couples with minor children try marriage counseling before they decide to just pull the plug. Divorce isn't quite as messy when the kids are adults... But it is still a very drastic step to take if you haven't yet tried every remedy to save the marriage.

  • 10 months ago

    Please accept my sympathies for your situation, sounds like you are a "computer widow".  My husband was formerly married to his first wife for twenty five years. He knew he wanted to leave early on, but they had three children. He chose to wait until the kids were grown and on their own, then finally left. It was a big sacrifice on his part. But his kids are all happy and healthy, and we both have a wonderful relationship with each of them, today.  The other side of the coin is that kids often say they would rather be in a single parent home than one with both parents, where they aren't happy together. Good wishes, 

  • Anonymous
    10 months ago

    The first question is what have you done to fight for your marriage? Are you enabling him to be like this? You say "Talking to him is difficult as he is mostly on his computer or wanting to be on his computer." What have you tried to do to get him away from the computer to talk about this behavior?

    I have a friend who had a husband who wouldn't leave his video game system alone. He'd come home from work, go to the basement playroom and play games until 2-3am in the morning. Sleep about 3-4hrs then go to work and do it all again. Well, one day he came home to find the controllers in the toilet. He had no choice but to listen to her. They went into counseling and saved the marriage.

    So before you think about leaving you need to fight hard for your marriage. Show him and the kids you will do what it takes to save your family.

    Source(s): married 25yrs, together 26
  • Speed
    Lv 7
    10 months ago

    I haven't been there, thank goodness, but you have my sympathies.

    If finances are the reason you can't leave, is there any way to move up at work to a position that pays more, or to a different employer? Being financially independent would let you divorce and live without him, while he's probably spend about the same amount of time and attention on the children.

    If that's not happening and you're stuck, then the best you can do is to make yourself a happy life without involving him, as if you were a single parent. Let him live his entire life going to work and playing games. You can raise happy kids, have deep and lasting friendships, do interesting things, take up cool hobbies, volunteer for causes you believe in, connect with family, and in general just  live a good life as if he wasn't there. Literally learn to be happy without him. Ignore him.

    And if it were me, he wouldn't be getting any sex. Just sayin'. I wouldn't necessarily take a lover, but I deserve someone who's more attentive than this guy glued to the computer.

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  • 10 months ago

    Your son or "Our" son? And what do you do all day? He is out working and then wants some leisure time after work.  You should leave him now. Ask your father for assistance since he is already sticking his beak in.

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