Anonymous

Is this or was this you? Waiting till kids finish scho before I leave marriage?

I’m looking for other people who are or have been in this situation. I am with my husband who barely leaves his computer outside of work. All day and much of the night he is playing online games. Any spare chance. He does the basics outside of that like taking my son to sport or hanging up the washing if I ask. He does virtually nothing else and isn’t really present in our lives other than that because he is quick to anger or get upset if we interrupt him. He will help the kids with homework amongst the gaming as well and he works full time. Talking to him is difficult as he is mostly on his computer or wanting to be on his computer. Even my father today said that he doesn’t have commitment outside of that. Due to my and his work it would be very difficult for me to leave (or ask him to) while the kids are at school for another 6 yrs. after they graduate it would be easier. We don’t have fights or anything I am just completely let down by him. I am embarrassed to say to others what he does all day but don’t want to hide it either. I want to get out but I am biding my time until it makes practical sense to leave. I don’t respect him for what he has done here too. In other ways I do (he is good at his job) but just with this I am not at all satisfied and would rather be on my own. I have waited this long I just will hold on a little longer. I am looking for other people in this situation rather than anyone to tell me what to do. Please let me know if you are or have been here

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  • Bob
    Lv 4
    1 month ago

    Every family is different and what is right for one person in one family is not necessarily right for someone else. At the end of the day, you should do what feels right for you in your situation. You say you're looking for someone to 'tell you what to do' but really, the only person who can do that is yourself.

    That said, I was married to a woman who could not control her anger and every single day was stressful for everyone in that household. For the sake of the kids, I stayed with her as long as I could but after 16 years of marriage, when the oldest was around 15, I'd had enough and left. I could have stayed longer, until they'd finished their education but the point had come that I simply couldn't put up with hearing the shouting every day of my life and decided that it was better for everyone if I left.

    Now, 6 years later, I know it was absolutely the right decision. My ex wife and I have a civil relationship and share all the parenting although nowadays of course, the kids are young adults and pretty much look after themselves. She is much calmer and the kids themselves tell me that us getting divorced was the right decision for everyone.

    Your situation isn't the same of course and you have to decide on what - ultimately - is the best for your kids. Staying together for the kids' sake is common but it's not always the best course.

    It definitely doesn't sound as though your husband is particularly invested in your relationship or even in his relationship with his children, other than the required basics and it's also clear you're very unsatisfied and want more from your life. I guess you have to ask yourself whether you'll be able to start building a new life in 6 year's time or whether the longer you leave it, the harder it will be. My feeling in these cases is that once kids are involved, their needs should be paramount but this does NOT necessarily mean that staying together is best.

    Divorce/Separation is an incredibly stressful and difficult time but that eventually passes and life goes on. Fear of the unknown can be a prison that keeps many people in an unhappy relationship but things do have a tendency to all work out in the end...

    I'm sorry that this isn't particularly helpful but wish you the best of luck!

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    • Taryn L1 month agoReport

      I have been very direct and told him I am not happy. It would be hard to tell him that I am thinking of leaving in 6 years! I have alluded to the fact that things will have to change once the kids leave home but I actually think it would have to be before then. They probably won’t leave till 20s

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