Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 8 months ago

Is wanting to remain friends with my husband after our divorce going to prevent me from finding the man that will really commit to me.?

My husband wants a divorce. Yet says he is still in love with me and is clearly still very physically attracted to me. We still live together, bothing really has changed and he has yet to file. He insists on remaining a part of each others lives. We still have a extremely active sex life by most standards and he has even gone as far as begging me to promise that no matter who im with we will still have sex. Part of me feels like this is some strange way he has come up with to get all the benefits of a relationship yet not have any obligations to me. Why else would he want a divorce if the usual reasons are not in the picture. Am I looking into this too much or am i correct in feeling that if he doesnt want to be with me he should leave me alone and not prevent me from ever having anything with a man that would be willing to commit to me.

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  • Anonymous
    8 months ago
    Favourite answer

    Well it's certainly him having his cake and eating it too. If he wants a divorce, then get a lawyer now. Make copies of everything you can - bank statements, 401k plans etc. Don't let him know you're doing this. Find out what your entitled to. You maybe able to kick him out of the house and get him to continue to pay his share of the mortgage or you maybe able to split the house into 2 separate units until you can sell. If he wants a divorce, he does not get to continue to be in your life or in your vajayjay. You're going to have to tell him that you'll have to go no contact for a while to get over him so that you can move on. Put your foot down that he can't have it both ways. He's either in it - or his d*ck is never going to be in it again. Lawyer up. Guarantee when you take half his money he's not going to like you enough to want to get with you for a looooong time. Enough time for you to realize you dodged a bullet and to move on.

  • RP
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    No wonder you feel that divorcing to become FWB's is strange. Once you divorce, you and he should be free to do what you'd like with anyone you'd like. To try and get you to commit to continuing your sex life seems over the bounds of reason.

  • 8 months ago

    Maybe you can find a male friend that is bi and he can have a three way with you and your ex.   Squido

  • Ana
    Lv 6
    8 months ago

    Ahh, so much stupid in one question. Ok let me break what’s going on, down for you.

    “My husband wants a divorce. Yet says he is still in love with me and is clearly still very physically attracted to me.”

    False. If he loved you, he wouldn’t divorce you. He may still have attraction, but only sexually, not romantically enough to commit. 

    “We still live together, nothing really has changed and he has yet to file. He insists on remaining a part of each others lives.”

    ...Then you aren’t divorced yet. Right now it’s just talk. 

    “We still have a extremely active sex life by most standards and he has even gone as far as begging me to promise that no matter who im with we will still have sex.”

    Yeah no, this is not an acceptable option. If you do this, you will get yourself publicly shamed, fired from your job, beaten up, shot and killed, or embarrassed and bullied online. It’s not acceptable to do that and both your new boyfriend and society will be extremely harsh on you If you try that crap. If you’re not over an ex, then don’t date someone new, it’s that simple. You aren’t allowed to cheat on a new boyfriend with an ex. 

    “Part of me feels like this is some strange way he has come up with to get all the benefits of a relationship yet not have any obligations to me.”

    No sh^t Sherlock. Obviously that’s what he’s doing. “ALL of you” should be thinking that, because it’s the factually correct and true answer. Any part of you that doesn’t think that, is stupid and wrong. Sorry to be so blunt. But yeah. 

    “Why else would he want a divorce if the usual reasons are not in the picture.”

    Well, he hasn’t actually divorced you yet. Probably bcuz he doesn’t wanna lose the house and money. My bet is that he’s banging another girl and used the divorce excuse to justify cheating on you. That way if you catch him, he can fall back on the “we’re technically divorcing and we said it’s ok to see other people” shtick. 

    “Am I looking into this too much or am i correct in feeling that if he doesnt want to be with me he should leave me alone and not prevent me from ever having anything with a man that would be willing to commit to me” 

    You’re correct, but what are you gonna do about it? Are you going to give him an ultimatum and tell him to either commit to you fully or hit the road jack? Or are you going to whine like a little p*ussy and then do whatever he asks? You decide if you get taken advantage of 

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  • PAMELA
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    Why the hell are you getting divorced? talk to him about that!

  • David
    Lv 6
    8 months ago

    It's not unusual for exes to get back together for one reason or another...often sex. I've had girls break up with me and then invite themselves into my bed the next day, because the sex was fantastic...

    (they decided they don't want a relationship really, but they DO enjoy the sex very much)

    You simply can not find a boyfriend if you are still having sex with your husband. If he wants a divorce, then you two need to sell the house, find two apartments NOT close to each other, and start living life apart. No phone calls, no text, no sex, no dating. He's just "somebody I used to know", to YOU.

  • 8 months ago

    Why does he want this? You said it yourself " he has come up with to get all the benefits of a relationship yet not have any obligations to me." If that's not what YOU want, file for yourself. He will either oblige and leave you to move on with your life, or he will recant this ridiculous arrangement.

    By the way the answer is yes it would interfere with you being able to move on with your life, being still emotionally and sexually tied to him, and him using up time that you could be using for yourself and your seeking a more suitable partner. .

  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    Continuing to have sex with a man who is planning to divorce you is foolish and, yes, it will jeopardize any future relationship.

    Why do you have so little self esteem?

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