Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Education & ReferenceWords & Wordplay · 1 month ago

How can I tweak up this paragraph to make it sound better? Grammar, sentence restructuring, and punctuation tweaks would be appreciated!?

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  • RP
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Cancer seems like an innocent word, but it is the killer of more than 1/2 million people a year. No one knows when it may strike and it often takes the lives of those dear to us. A few days ago, that's what happened to my grandfather.  This word that seems harmless describes what ended the life of someone I loved so much, one with whom I shared many memories and who taught me much about life. Now, he's fallen victim to that six-letter word and, as much as I miss him, I will always be thankful for the blessing of having had him near until his demise.

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  • 1 month ago

    Cancer. 

    An unremarkable word which ends the lives of nearly 600,000 people per year. It’s a thief in the night, acting suddenly and indiscriminately. Recently*, it claimed the life of someone very close to me. My grandfather, someone with whom I shared so many memories, and from whom I’ve learned valuable life lessons, was reduced by this abhorrent word. 

    *unless you mean to say two (or however many) days exactly, in which case I’d say ‘Two days ago’ would be better

    I hope I didn’t mess with your overall message too much. 

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Cancer.

    A single word, and yet nearly 600,000 people die of it each year. It's like a thief in the night: cancer can steal someone's life so unexpectedly and randomly. Two days ago, that word claimed someone very close to me. That someone was my grandfather, the one with whom I shared so many memories and from whom I learned so many valuable lessons. His body was gradually and painfully diminished by this abhorrent six-letter word, but not his soul.

    My condolences. But cancer can only take the body. His soul was not diminished, and your memories and lessons will live on and enrich your life. 

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