So I am a gay college student.?
I am often studying at the library a lot and have seen this one guy around. One day he asked me to watch his stuff while he went to the bathroom and after he got back we chatted it up. Ever since then whenever we see each other at the library we make a point to chat with each other for a bit before returning to our work. He gives off a vibe that activates my, "gaydar" (I know it's only somewhat scientific of a thing, but my gut is telling me he is), and I have since grown to be attracted to him and would like to ask me out. How do I approach this without either outright asking if he is gay (Which I think is highly inappropiate and I hate when people ask it. Even though I am comfortable with my sexuality I know that not everyone is and it can put them on the spot.) Also I feel like if i ask him and he isn't, then there is a chance at ruining a budding friendship, but if he is, I would like to ask him out on a date. So what should I do?
- SkyLv 710 months ago
My advice is to just ask him out. There will be one of four possible outcomes:
1. If he is homophobic or otherwise uncomfortable about gay people, asking him out would expose that fact. It would end this "budding friendship", but then would you really want to remain friends with someone who's uncomfortable with you or rejects based on the very nature of who you are? Consider it a dodged bullet.
2. If he is heterosexual but very much accepting and supporting of LGBT people, he will reject your offer of dating. You won't have a new boyfriend but you will have a great friend who accepts you exactly as you are. That kind of friend is irreplaceable and your friendship will be better for you having asked.
3. If he is gay or bisexual, but either is in a relationship already and therefore is unavailable or is simply not attracted to you, then you won't have a new boyfriend but you still still have a friend and ally who accepts you and fully understands where you're coming from in your feelings of same-sex attraction.
4. If he is gay or bisexual, is single and available, and is mutually attracted to you as well, then wonderful! You two can start dating and see how things go. In the long run it may not work out as a romantic couple, or you could end up spending the rest of your lives together. But in either case you'd have never known unless you had the courage to speak up and ask him out. (I suppose it could also happen that he asks you out first, but don't depend on that happening. If you desire him, be brave and ask him out.)
- Anonymous10 months ago
Other than asking him if he wants to study together, get coffee before class or hang out sometime, I wouldn't formally ask him out on a date. That's so unnatural and could ruin a friendship if he's not into you.
You just gotta go with the flow. Continue to let the friendship blossom and see where it goes from there. If you're interested in him and he's interested in you it'll become apparent at some point.
- reme_1Lv 710 months ago
Spend a few more minutes talking to him. Is he into extra curricular activites? Stay behind and watch him play or watch the game. Talk. If you are headed out for a bite to eat, ask him if he wants to join. I wish you luck. Having to ask if someone is 'like us' is so demeaning. Mention something gay and see how he reacts. Make sureyou have a rainbow ribbon in your book or a button or something so he gets the point. Hey, I do that and I'm 70. Sometimes times I wear a rainbow ribbon on my forehead.
- Anonymous10 months ago
Out your self to him. Just say - by the way - we seem to be friends now - I just want you to know I’m (gay or bi). Now the ball is in his court. If he maintains he is straight - fine. Just leave it at that. Join some of those lgbt organizations and campus and meet some people. But if he does out himself back - then you can see if there is some mutual attraction.
You have nothing to lose.
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- Saut de ChatLv 710 months ago
Call the gay center
- Anonymous10 months ago
Gaydar is a real thing, but your attraction can interfere with the accuracy. So in this instance it is better to listen to your head than your heart.
Be honest. You would know if he has given any indication of interest in you beyond friendship. Whether you seek someone’s romantic interest or not it’s always obvious to the point of ridiculousness if they really have a thing for you. You can see it in their actions, hear it in their words, and so on.
For example, how close do they get when they sit or stand next to you. Do they touch you when they speak to you? Do they speak to you on personal terms or is it more distant and business like?
If he has never deliberately entered your personal space or broached a personal conversation with you the odds are he already has boyfriend, if he’s gay, or he’s straight. In either case he probably isn’t interested in you the way you are hoping for.
- xxx000auLv 710 months ago
Clearly then the next time you bump into him during your chat you suggest you two catch up for a drink one Friday evening.
In respect to gaydar. There is no such thing. What you have experienced is simply common sense, while he may have held a polite conversation with you, he clearly is revisiting you so may well be interested.
The only way you will know is if you take the next step and suggest you two get together away from the libary.
- TjLv 710 months ago
Ask him for coffee, drink, burger etc. take it slow...maybe he is or maybe he likes you and wants a friendship.
- River EuphratesLv 710 months ago
Your best bet would be to just keep hanging out and see how it goes.
- keerokLv 710 months ago
You're just acquainted, nothing serious yet. Why ruin a budding friendship with an outright date? Just ask him out for coffee. That should slow things down a bit and would allow you two to get to know more about each other.