Anonymous asked in HealthMental Health · 1 year ago

My girlfriend is lazy, always tired, never productive, and never wants to hang out anymore after work, only working 20 hours a week?

She says she's always stressed and tired from work but she only works part time at a call center, she lives with her parents and has no other responsibilities and she's 28 years old. Whenever we hang out, she is always stressed and complaining about her work or her life. I try to help her, but nothing I do works. She never listens to my advice. I tell her she needs to see a psychiatrist and its been months and she hasn't even scheduled an appointment with one. I ask her to come with the gym since I think it will help her feel less stressed and she always asks me if she is fat and she's not, but I know she's not happy with her body, so I think working out together would help. She always declines. Her life is slipping fast and she's getting more and more into debt due to her spending habits and low paying part time job. She drinks more than ever. Idk what to do anymore. I tell her to go back to school and she registered back to school and failed all of her classes. Now she wants to go back again but she never makes an attempt to register for classes, it's been a year of her saying she wants to try again, and nothing. I try to help her all the time, and she gets mad at me and cries claiming I don't love her because she's a "failure" and attacks me for being a "bad" boyfriend but I haven't even done anything wrong. any advice?

9 Answers

  • 1 year ago
    Favourite answer

    I'm in a similar situation as your girlfriend. So, from personal experience, you need to give her the benefit of the doubt, and be very very patient. When someone is experiencing a low in their life, the last thing they need to feel is like they're a burden on others. You need to reassure her in a calm tone of voice that things will be okay. If you truly love that girl, then you need to be there for her through and through. I understand it gets stressful dealing with someone. She may have depression, just like me. I see so much of myself in her, it's uncanny. She may not want to listen to your advice now, but by reinforcing the sentiment that you are there with her and there for her, despite her being at rock bottom, that can go a very long way. Don't force her, don't be too pushy and say things like "You need to work out," or "You need to go back to school." An incentive is good, you can tell her "I think it would be fun if we have a day of exercise, just to spend time together. We can take it easy and do something fun afterwards as a reward." And, tell her the benefits of going to school. "You can do something you like to do while learning something new, and I'd like to hear about your experience." By talking to her in such a way, you take away the initial hostility of the situation. Tell her that you love her, tell her that she's not a failure and she's just in a gray area, and you're there for her and you will stick with her. You need to be consistent. She needs you. I know this because I am also at rock bottom, and I'm positive my significant other is having the same feelings that you're having right now. But, all I can ask of you is to be supportive. It will be arduous. It's hard to get through to someone who is depressed and who is at their lowest. But, with repetition and consistency, you will see changes. Just be patient with her, and love her as much as you can. At the same time, don't dry yourself out. Make sure that you make time for yourself if it becomes too much of a task. Ask her about what she likes to do. If she says nothing, then do nothing with her. Not everyone wants to hang out after work, certainly not while depressed. If she wants to sit in a dark room doing nothing, then you sit with her. If she wants to sit on the couch and just watch TV all night, then you watch with her. There will be a day when things change. It won't be overnight. She didn't get into this depressive state over night, so she won't get out of it over night. Be patient, my friend. Please, be patient with her. I understand what she's going through, and I understand what you're going through. Patience is a virtue. Be her peace, be her support system. Please, be a little more selfless. 

  • 1 year ago

    You'll end up making a child and perhaps marriage, if you haven't left by now both of y'all need help come on 2020 is almost here it's already a new change of government new change of society and humanity and all your focus is on a relationship with someone who's going down instead of up at this point in time, either you come from under that relationship or go down with her stop wasting time stop playing games get ready for Mark of new world order

  • 1 year ago

    What you do is realize that you to do NOT share similar life values, and if you can't accept her values as they are (which seems like she has none), then she's not for you. ACCEPTANCE is the key in established relationships. if it's not there, what's the point?

    I wouldn't love her either. she doesn't love herself or care. Maybe she just needs a sugar daddy and a life supply of twinkies and a good cable channel?

    You can not fix or change her. You can make suggestions until you're blue in the face, but until she decides to take action there will be none. Simple as that

  • 1 year ago

    send her packin

  • What do you think of the answers? You can sign in to give your opinion on the answer.
  • ?
    Lv 7
    1 year ago

    It sounds like she's not in a good place to be your partner or anyone's. I could tell you that she needs to see a doctor if she's constantly tired, but if she refuses to look for professional help it sounds more like she likes to complain than actually getting help, and you can't do anything about it.

    People can't be forced to do what they don't want to do or don't feel ready to do. Just from an outsider perspective it seems to me that your gf simply isn't interested in being a better person: works part time, doesn't put enough effort in school, bad spending habits, ALCOHOL ISSUES. etc.

    I mean, she's 28 y, she's an adult and not a very functional one. You aren't a bad boyfriend for trying to help her, but she doesn't want help, and you should stop wasting your time with someone that clearly has stated that prefers to live in her comfort zone.

    It's up to you how long will you keep investing in this person. If I were you I'd think hard if this is the type of partner I want to spend my life with.

    my 2 cents.

  • 1 year ago

    Break up with this woman. Move on.  The reality is that your girlfriend enjoys playing the victim and being an underachiever -- at least more than she wants to change.  She's a grown woman who has made choices that are causing a downward spiral.  She and she alone has to stop that pattern.  You are getting your joy sucked out of you.  If you stick with her, you'll be caught in this vortex too.

    Maybe you moving on will help her see sense.  Maybe it won't.  You need to do what is best for you.  

  • 1 year ago

    you are not going to change her and if I were you, I would find a girlfriend who appreciates you. You are doing her and you no favors by staying with her. Tell her goodbye. Sure she will "just die" if you leave her, but that is not your problem as she does not want to change and will not as long as you are there

  • Linda
    Lv 7
    1 year ago

    You may need a new girlfriend. A 28 year old woman who only works part time and is still living at home and cannot cope with even that sounds like there is something not right upstairs or she has emotional problems. If she refuses your help, you might want to walk away.

  • Lena
    Lv 5
    1 year ago

    You aren't a bad boyfriend for sure. You're amazing for sticking around. Other men would out and leave. She's wrong about you.

    She's definitely suffering with depression. That's what depression does to a person. It leaves them mentally drained and always tired. She needs to get off her butt and start helping herself. You are already giving advice and trying to help, but she doesn't want that. Talk to her seriously this time and tell her that you're also really tired of her behaviour and how you want to help her but nothing's working. Tell her she needs to seek help and you can't keep living this way anymore because it won't work out. Wait around for 2-4 months. If she isn't changing or trying at all, I think it's time to call it quits.

Still have questions? Get answers by asking now.