Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 8 months ago

I am finally divorcing my husband. The 3 kids, college and up, all want to do Christmas with him, what do I do with the hurt and being alone?

My parents have died, his are living. They are going to his celebration. I have no one. My brother and I don't speak cause of sexual abuse he committed against me and my daughter 20 years ago. My two sisters live out of town with their families. They do in-law stuff as well. My kids want to be with their cousins and grandparents. I pleaded with them not to but they are over 18 and I kind of understand their point of view and the grandfather has cancer. It is too far away for them to see me and their father's family.

I am all alone. I am sure I will see them the week after but it is still just me Christmas Eve and Day. I live on a farm so not a neighborhood. I am so depressed thinking ahead to it. It was 42 people just two years ago. Then my Mom died and my sisters do in-laws out of town. Last year at least we had my in-laws. Now I am an outcast to them. I could not take the yelling and emotional abuse from my husband who is a moderate to severe alcoholic. They all, the in-laws, blame me. I was starting to drink too much myself just to live through it.

What do I do?

Update:

Thank you all

18 Answers

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  • 8 months ago
    Favourite answer

    I spent several christmases alone and will again this year. This year i am dog-sitting for someone who is going out of town for eight days, so the dog and i will go out hiking. Other Christmases i also went out hiking and i like photography so i took a lot of pictures of birds. It was a lot of fun. I also took myself out to eat and had peaceful, nice meals. I'm a visual artist and so i worked on paintings on Christmas, some years. I wished some of my friends merry christmas through messaging/text.

    My kids live 2000 miles from me and i can't always afford to go, but it's nice to communicate with people we know on the holiday. Even if we can't be with them.

    It's not the end of the world. Find something productive to do. Think about what you are interested in and then do it!

  • 8 months ago

    How old are you?

  • Jane
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    I'm impressed with the way you have broken free from the abuse you have experienced over the years, it's an extremely tough choice to make and with this comes a great deal of painful loss.

    I'm not going to give you a load of words about how you'll be fine in the end, do some volunteering etc. You will work your way towards recovery from your pain in your own way and in your own time.

    I would say that what you're experiencing is a kind of bereavement. It's a very lonely kind of pain that the many people who have experienced loss understand and yet is very difficult to talk about. You might stand in the supermarket queue next to someone with a similar experience and never know it.

    I hope you can appreciate the strength it took you to get this far, and give serious consideration to taking the next step, and then the next. One at a time, rest, then the next.

    Wishing you all the very best x

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    Find an opportunity to volunteer on Christmas Day. From serving at a soup kitchen to volunteering at a children's hospital there's a lot of need in the world and doing good for others usually makes us feel better about ourselves.

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    spend the day with people that are going to be alone too

  • 8 months ago

    With many charities sponsoring Christmas dinners for the needy, perhaps you could donate the day into assisting them as they all need help for this. It would give you something to do and you'd be helping others. Merry Christmas.

  • Tavy
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    I would be extremely happy that I made the break and am on my way to a happier future. Next year you will have a new life.

    This year it's just a couple of days. Eat what you like, watch movies and look forward to 2021.

    This is NOT the time to feel sorry for yourself.

    You did it.

    Well done.

  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    Do whatever you want.   If it were me, I'd probably just forget that it's Christmas and do something constructive like paint my living room and order Chinese.   No reason you can't celebrate x-mas with your kids at New Year's or whenever you can get together.  Or just forget about it this year.

    You have no friends?   Your sisters can't include you?  If I had a friend or relative who was going to be alone at Christmas, I would absolutely invite him or her to spend it with us.

    I always find it interesting when someone paints themselves as the victim, and yet they find themselves alone and friendless.     My inclination is that your voice is Yahoo-familiar and your story is fake, but just in case, you may wish to consider therapy.   When someone finds it difficult to maintain healthy or positive relationships with other people, that's something that really should be looked at.  

  • Carson
    Lv 6
    8 months ago

    That is divorce.

    Do not sit and pout or feel sorry for yourself. You made a good choice.

    Do something for you. No, do not get a tramp stamp tattoo. Find a hobby that is popular in your area.

    Start attending social activities at local adult centers or a church.

    Volunteer at hospitals, schools, veterans places.

    But, whatever you do, be sure to let go of all the negative stuff you talked about.

    Pursue your new BETTER life with a vengeance.

  • 8 months ago

    Book a last minute deal somewhere, anywhere at all.

    Just take off and experience something new instead of sitting dwelling

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