Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsEngagements & Weddings · 8 months ago

I told my fiancé not to buy me an engagement ring but he chose to anyways, does he have a right to be mad if I don't want to wear it?

So let's get a few things straight here because I know the title can sound offensive, but let me explain the whole situation here:

In the year 2013, I received a major promotion and bought a 1 carat solitaire for myself that I wear on my middle finger. I was single then and have been for quite a few years, also not looking to date. I just so happened to have literally bumped into my now fiancé at a store. We hit it off and started dating right after that, and have been dating a total of 2 years now.

I've had my diamond ring and have worn it every single day for 4 years then, and he has always known about it, known how much it meant to me and has not once made a single backhanded comment or insult towards it. It was just a ring to him, and he was relieved that I could buy nice things for myself - and ultimately him as well.

When we seriously started talking about getting engaged I told him bluntly that I did not need him to waste money on an engagement ring, that we could just as easily use the one I bought myself nearly 6 years ago. At the point he agreed and felt it would be stupid to pay more for something that was not as good in quality (I got my 1 carat at an insanely cheap price).

Well, as you can guess and according to the title he bought me a ring. I'm not saying AT ALL that I hate the way it looks. In fact, quite the opposite. It is smaller in size of mine but it has an intense amount of sparkle to it. It also has a bunch of side stones that I really like -cont-


The only problem is that it twirls easily and constantly bangs against my other ring on my middle finger. I have told him honestly but sincerity as I can that I do not like how they come into contact with each other all the time as it tends to get in the way - especially when I am typing on keyboards at work. He told me that maybe I should stop wearing my ring on my middle finger; but the only finger my solitaire fits is on my left middle finger - continue-

Update 2:

We had a long talk about getting my 1 carat resized, and I took it to a jeweler that week. The only problem was that he told me there is an engraving in the band. I had the band engraved year 2013 to signify the year that I bought my ring. There is nothing we can do about resizing. I even asked my fiance if I could wear his engagement ring on a gold chain because I have one that my grandmother left me when she passed away, and I feel it would still look very nice and even compliment the ring...

Update 3:

He seemed to get even more offended by this and I just don't know what to do. He knows I'm just not the type to stop wearing something simply because someone wants me to stop wearing it and instead to wear something that I do not have as much emotional attachment to and I'm sorry to say this, but I will probably never like it as much as the ring I bought myself, but that doesn't mean I don't like the ring at all. Where should I go from here?

Update 4:

**Thank you! As you've said I have an emotional attachment to the ring I bought as it represented a significant time in my life and it was something I have planned to buy for myself since I was a teenager. For whatever reason, a lot of people become petty when they find out you bought something nice for yourself and some of these answers clearly show that - whatever their reasons are to be petty over a ring I do not know. What they also don't understand is that I have already tried

Update 5:

To discuss the ring with him many times. He is very much "His way or the highway" about this ring situation and perhaps you are right - if he can't see my reasons as well then maybe I should rethink this altogether. I am more offended over the fact that he can't see I'm trying to find solutions to this problem, and most people seem to be taking his side even though he did buy the ring without consulting me. He has done this before simply because he feels he has to be the one to buy them. 

20 Answers

  • Anonymous
    8 months ago
    Favourite answer

    When I bought a ring for my GF before we got married, I was nervous picking out something she would like.  The store I bought it was would allow me to return it for a full refund as along as the tags were still on it.  Luckily she loved it and I would be missing a hand if I tried to take it back.  If she has a ring that she loves and wears it on that finger, I'd be an idiot to think I'm going to get another ring and she should just dump that old ring.  What is he thinking?  

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    He certainly has to right to consider your vanity vs. your devotion to the relationship as he's deciding whether to go through with the wedding or not. You're used to being in control of your own life and I respect that. But to be married you have to be willing to relinquish some of that control and do things you wouldn't ordinarily do as a singleton. So if you want a happy partner you'll wear this ring he bought. The good news is that once you're married you can put the engagement ring away and opt for a simple band or no ring finger ring at all.

  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    I don't understand why the engagement ring from your fiance doesn't mean a lot more to you.  He should ring all your bells... you're marrying him so you should be proud to retire your ring and wear the one he bought for you.  Why aren't you more enthusiastic about what the ring represents?  

  • Anonymous
    8 months ago


    "The only problem is that it twirls easily and constantly bangs against my other ring on my middle finger." so what are you going to do when you get a wedding ring??? all this drama for just the engagement ring. christ lady. you don't deserve to get married! either move the other ring over to the other hand or shut up!

    I can only imagine what this guy puts up with when you two fight. what else do you fight about? stupid little crap like "you put too many ice cubes in my drink!" grow up.

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  • 8 months ago

    Get a grip.  You can choose to be offended and upset or to get over it.  If this type of thing rubs you the wrong way, I'd serious reconsider whether you should be marrying this guy -- or anyone.  Relationships are hard.  Marriage is hard.  It requires enormous amounts of patience and compromise.  It requires the ability to have calm, rational conversation.  It requires putting the other person's happiness before your own.   If you care more about the ring you bought yourself than you do about the symbolism of an engagement ring, you probably aren't really the type of person who will be happy in marriage.  

  • 8 months ago

    "So let's get a few things straight here"

    Actually, let's not.  95 percent of this was completely irrelevant.   What's very obvious is the 2 of you have turned a simple engagement ring into the landing at Normandy.   This means you can't communicate the way an engaged couple should be able to.   What happens when a real crisis pops up?

    Example:  By the time I got engaged, I could tell my husband anything.  The ring he got me was hideous and I said so at the time (actually, it became funny because he could tell by the expression on my face).  It wasn't life altering.  We went together and picked out something half the size.  The end.

    You don't have this, meaning your engagement is way premature.  Postpone it and spend at least a  year  in couples counseling, where you learn much better communication tools.   Communication is everything, and it's the underlying issue behind the major causes of divorce (finances, kids, careers, etc).  It doesn't matter how much money you make if you and he can't communicate at a mature, open and honest level.

  • drip
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    Get the engagement ring sized so it doesn’t twirl on your finger.

    Have your ring resized to fit your right hand and have the year engraved again on the inside.

  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    Yes he has the right to be hurt/mad.

    Yes you have the right not to wear it.   

    If the two of you cannot work together as a team to resolve conflict in a way that works for both of you, you do not yet have the maturity or relationship skills necessary for a successful marriage. 

  • Dr. D
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    Yes, you should wear it on your left hand ring finger, just as a show of love. Since you already love your one carat solitaire you should wear that on your right hand. 

    Your finance wants to express his love in a traditional way, and your offer was kind and generous, but it would also make him personally feel unnecessary and insufficient. 

    You will find that marriage and love is a long series of compromises and putting the other person's interests first. In the end your expressions of love is always more important. 

  • Linda
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    After he presented the ring to you and it did not fit right due to bumping against other jewelry, have it resized and take off some of your other jewelry. You should wear the ring that he bought you or go with him and select another one and take that one back. Hopefully he got insurance on it.

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