Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingAdoption · 9 months ago

Is this the right thing to say to an adopted child by his parents/guardians?

Okay so im adopted, and sometimes in anger my parents (the ones who are keeping me right now) say 

“We regret adopting you” It was our biggest mistake to adopt you” And sometimes, “it was out mistake adopting you”, then i ask “then why did you? You shouldn't have taken me” , then they reply with “we didnt take you, your blood parents gave you to us”

As much as these sentences hurt me, i still want to know if it is wrong? 

Please help. And let me know if im just being too over sensitive

8 Answers

  • y
    Lv 7
    9 months ago
    Favourite answer

    Yes, it is wrong, but it also may be honest. They felt they had no choice but to take a  kid for whatever reason. Age comes into play as whether you are being to sensitive and such, as well as the situation that everyone is in. Apparently it is your life, you have a choice. Swim in the misery of the situation, or accept that you will be moving forward alone.  Either choice will have life long implications. One will drown you, the other may give you the strength to push through building a self sustaining foundation. Knowing there is no one willing to catch you, you'll need a decent education. You''ll need to push yourself to have a successful future. That will hopefully enable you to help those that are in the same situation you are in now.

  • 5 months ago

    yes that's a terrible thing to say to a kid. even if your kid is an adult. that's no different than a parent telling their biological child "I wish you were never born." I am considering placing my child up for adoption and even the thought of an adoptive parent telling him that brings me to tears.

  • 9 months ago

    Just burn him in a fire he can’t get angry or sad then! 😃

  • Anonymous
    9 months ago

    That's never the right thing to say.

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  • 9 months ago

    That's a really bizarre thing to say to a child - any child. I know biological parents who tell their children they regret giving birth to them as well, and that is equally horrible.

    No one forced your parents to adopt you - it was their choice.  They at any point could have said no.

    If I were in your position, I would say, "I'm sorry you have that regret. I will remove myself from your lives as soon as possible", then I would distance myself from them when I became an adult, if you aren't/haven't already.

    Source(s): Adoptee and Adoptive Mom.
  • martin
    Lv 7
    9 months ago

    This actually sounds like psychological torture they're putting you through. Saying these things to a kid is verbal abuse.

  • sarah
    Lv 5
    9 months ago

    You are definitely not being overly sensitive, as far as I'm concerned. To me, this would be like someone's biological parents saying, "We regret the day you were born." As a mother myself, I know there have definitely been times when I've said, "I'm never, ever, ever having another kid," but I've never looked at my daughter and told her that I regret having her.

    I would suggest looking into some sort of counseling for you and your family. I'd be willing to bet that your parents don't actually mean what they're saying; they're just super pissed off (I think we've all been there)...but for it to be said over and over and over with no apology afterwards...I can't even imagine going through that.

    Hugs to you. I hope everything gets better.

  • LizB
    Lv 7
    9 months ago

    Of course it isn't, that's messed up. I don't care how mad I am at my kids, telling them "I should never have had you" would be incredibly wrong. Adoption isn't any different. They chose to take you, you didn't force yourself on them. You don't have to apologize just for existing, and in fact you never should.

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