Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingParenting · 4 weeks ago

How to deal with step child not wanting love or a hug ?

Is it normal for your step child to not want to hug or love on you? When their mom or dad says for the child to give me love, they say no. But they do hug and love on me in their time. Should the parents stop telling the child to hug on me? Should I take offense to it as thinking they don’t like me? I do feel hurt a lot, but how can I deal with it in a mature way?

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  • Suzy Q
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago
    Favorite Answer

    Kids should NEVER have to hug someone because they are told to!

    I teach my kids they do have to be civil to people. They have to properly greet guests. They have to say goodbye when they or someone else leave. And they have to do this with attention to the other person, not just half a wave and a grunt while playing Minecraft on their tablet.

    But what they are never obligated to do, is hug. They can if they want to, but they never have to. Their bodies are their own, and nobody is ever allowed to make them press their body up against their or someone else's body.

    And that includes my husband and myself. We may ask for hugs - and most of the time get them - but never demand hugs. The kids know they have every right to refuse, and that doing so won't make us love them any less. This is part of teaching our kids healthy boundaries. 

    You say in a comment that you don't want to tell your husband what to teach his kids. Fair enough, as a step parent you should show restraint. But this is about your boundaries too. I think it is perfectly acceptable to tell your husband you'd rather he didn't tell his kids to hug you, that you'd like it to be their decision whether they do or don't hug you. 

  • God
    Lv 4
    1 week ago

    Step parents abuse children. 

  • 3 weeks ago

    Its normal for a child to not want people to grab at them or force being touched on them. 

    Not all kids want to be huged on. 

  • 4 weeks ago

    This is getting out of hand here!

    You have asked this SAME question 3-4 times now within a 24 hour span! I can see why your step daughter would feel uncomfortable around you, you are coming off as obsessed on here, I can only imagine how obsessive on this.

    If I see this question again, I will report this to YA, because this is getting out of hand.

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  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    This is just silly. Children are NOT robots. They cannot force emotions that they don't have and you as a step parent have to learn how to navigate this situation with tact and patience. Its your obligation as the adult in this situation not to take offense but to learn how to approach the child so he or she doesn't feel overwhelmed. Since you aren't the biological parent, it will take time to gain trust. Any parent who thinks they can change the child by words alone needs parenting lessons themselves. Its borderline abusive to bully a child in this way.

  • 4 weeks ago

    Though they were fine with asking for favors, money, my cars, my time... It took about a decade before my stepsons would hug me, tell me they love me, want to talk to me on the phone. Of course that hurts when, as a step parent, we're giving our stepkids everything we possibly can but, as my stepsons pronounced once they thought that I actually HAD, " You gotta pay your dues to earn your rewards"! Ha! They still don't know, and don't need to, that I nearly doubled their Mom's child support payments once I married their Dad because I was shocked at how little the courts has assigned. It's time, not parents telling them to love you.. it's time that brings the rewards.

  • 4 weeks ago

    First do not take offense.  Second, no one should be telling any child they "have" to love one someone. That is wrong.  Don't feel offended. Anyone, child or adult, takes time to warm up to someone. Some people more than others. Just be good to them and be patient. But if their mom/dad is telling them to give you affection, that is wrong and they need to stop. That is a boundaries issue. The child's boundary is not being respected. 

    • Faith4 weeks agoReport

      every time I or the child leaves, my husbands says, “give her hugs” or “give her loves”. Should I tell him to stop? I don’t want to tell him how to teach his child. 

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