Emma asked in Society & CultureEtiquette · 4 weeks ago

Is it rude to ask people to pitch in OR pay for their own meals when hosting a surprise party?

I want to host a surprise party for a family member but don't have an unlimited budget. Is it rude to be upfront with people and let them know they'll be paying for their own dinner OR asking for a "contribution" of $20?

16 Answers

Relevance
  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    3 weeks ago

    When in doubt in a situation like this announce it as a potluck. This way you're not having to ask for cash and most people have a special recipe they like to show off at such events.

  • Cogito
    Lv 7
    3 weeks ago

    Yes, it is.

    If you can't afford to feed everyone, don't throw a party at all.

    I threw a surprise ruby wedding party for my parents many years ago - and I made all the food myself, saved up and bought wine and champagne for a toast, cleared out my house to make room for everyone and borrowed a number of chairs from an aunt who was in on the secret.

    I wouldn't have even considered asking our guests to pay!

  • Anonymous
    3 weeks ago

    If you want to host it, you pay for it. 

    If you suggest everyone gets together for a celebration at their own cost then that is a different matter; whether you risk the 'I only had a starter' bickering depends on your friends.

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    i dont think thats rude

  • What do you think of the answers? You can sign in to give your opinion on the answer.
  • Prince
    Lv 5
    4 weeks ago

    Look, you either "host" a party or you don't. If you cannot afford to give a party, then do not give a party. Don't kid yourself that you are "hosting" anything when you don't. 

  • drip
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    You ask other family members if they all would like to throw a surprised party for this person.  You could have it at your home if everyone would like to bring a dish. 

    I would not ask for everyone to give you cash. 

    Or you do what you can afford. Appetizers only. Or just do cake and coffee 

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    You're hosting , you're paying.

  • mokrie
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    If you can't afford it then don't throw a party. THROW a party means PAY for a party. How would you like everyone to give you a birthday present then hand you the bill to pay for it?

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    Is this a birthday party?   If yes, it's tacky to expect guests to pay to attend a gift-giving occasion.

    Is this in a restaurant?  If yes, it's tacky to be the "host" of a party you don't actually intend to host.

    These things being said, it's quite common for families to share the expense of family parties by doing it at someone's home where attendees bring a component for the meal. 

    Another option is to not serve a meal.   Have the party at a time of day where only cake or nibbles are needed and little or no alcohol is expected. 

    Bottom line, if you're hosting the party and inviting others, you need to have a party you can afford.   That is unless your family and social circle is accustomed to being told they have to pay to attend parties (which I'm guessing they aren't or you wouldn't be here asking the question).

    Telling people to BYOB or that the party is pot-luck is much more socially acceptable than telling them they must pay you $20 for the privilege of gracing you with their presence. 

  • 4 weeks ago

    No, not at all.  If this person were your spouse or child then perhaps the burden should be on your own household, but in this case you are throwing a party for a family member and so other family members should feel some obligation to help.

Still have questions? Get answers by asking now.