Why is he being so nice to me all of a sudden/ sending me well wishes?  What should I do when people do stuff like this?  ?

I got away with a coworker because of a bizarre question he asked me about my skin and tanning. To make it worse, he prefaced the question with, "Don't report me to HR” and said in a jocular manner “this is a stupid question, it's a really stupid question”. That's when he asked me the question knowing fully well I'm already dark skinned. Why would I intentionally tan to get darker than I am now? Then he proceeded to tell me how he grew up with black family that use to clean for him or some crap. Truly, this did not feel right. 

I spoke to my boss about this because he’s known this man for years. My boss spoke with him and he admitted to my boss that what he said was wrong and will "apologize" asap. EXCEPT after the meeting my coworker started using "slang". He has NEVER done that before. My boss asked me if he apologized and I said, "No". My boss was shocked and then went into denial. Eventually, it led into a bad confrontation. Ever since that day, I distance myself from EVERYONE on the team. Anyway, the guy is now being nice to me. He's leaving personal well wishes for me in group emails and never did that before. Example, "Good Morning Lisa, Hope you are doing well". "Good Morning Lisa, Hope you enjoyed your weekend". If I call out sick, "Feel better Lisa, and get plenty of rest!" 

He was in the building recently for a meeting and he just stopped by my office in passing (mind you he could have kept walking) and firmly said to me, "How are you Lisa?" I could still


hear he had like a humorous undertone to it. I should also add this guy has a history of flirting with me when I'm alone in the offie and I kept ignoring it and remained polite. I sternly responded by ONLY saying, "mhmm...well" didn't fully turn around to engage him in conversation. He lingered there for awhile and didn't say anything. I saw in the corner of my eyes that he watched my up and down with his eyes serious faced and walked away slowly. What was that about?! 

4 Answers

  • 3 weeks ago

    Let's be kind and assume he is trying to make amends for his thoughtless and insulting comment/question - either because he's truly remorseful or scared he'll lose his job if you make a complaint about racism.  You could ask him directly.  ' Why are you so concerned about my welfare all of a sudden?  This is SO unlike you. '  I don't think you should shun the rest of the team just because this guy was a jerk.  You shouldn't tar them all with the same brush.  It just makes for general awkwardness and makes you look bad.

    • It Is What It Is
      Lv 6
      3 weeks agoReport

      Made this remark to me around the time he though he was going to be leaving for a year for some educational program in the fall. Recently, I found out he didn’t get into the program and I find it funny he know comes around trying to make “amends” now. He has to wait for summer 2020 review. 

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    maybe he feels bad about what he said

  • 4 weeks ago

    I dont know. You tell me 😂😂😂😂

  • 4 weeks ago

    maybe he feels bad about all that

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