Any ideas on how to make this story more tragic/emotional?
It's about a guy who was left by everyone (dead parents, sister betraying him for her husband) and the story starts when he runs away from prison (wherehe was hit, denailed, tortured and insulted). At first his only thought is surviving and hiding, trying to avoid everyone. He feels alive again but he is traumatized and cannot understand properly what he's feeling, is that deception, anger, anguish disguided in normality? In another country he meets a girl, which happens to be mistreated and discriminated. She falls for him at first sight because of his looks and his sad eyes. He protects her when he sees an injustice but tries to avoid her because he doesn't want to get involved with anyone, he just wants to embark for the next ship for the continent but he needs money, so he has to work. He understands only when it's too late that he loves her, and that she is madly in love with him, when she was almost abused and tried suicide and blamed him for not being there for her, and the moment he realizes it he doesn't want to let her go and feels sorry about himself refusing love and happiness for too long as a way of punishment. There are some love scenes but just mentioned and nothing too detailed and they aren't like sex scenes because there are just kisses and they both cry so it doesn't even feel like some a bad story.
- Anonymous8 months agoFavorite Answer
In my opinion, it sounds pretty cliche. The man being rescued and turned into a better person by his love interest has been done to death. Plus, trying to kill yourself and then blaming somebody else for it, which causes them to agree to go out with you, is hardly the basis for a healthy relationship- and has also been done before. And it sucks. Not cute or romantic. And make it more tragic? If anything, it's too tragic. I can't say, because perhaps you have only mentioned the tragic parts here, but too much sadness and pain causes the reader to stop caring. If I were you, I'd put all your ideas on sticky notes and arrange them in order. Then look very closely at the tragic, violent and depressing ones and decide if they are really necessary to the plot. Does he really have to have all that done to him in prison? In real life, it takes nowhere near the amount you describe to traumatise someone. Also (I'll presume you already researched the psychology side of things), try looking up as many of the plot points you're using as you can on the internet, too see what you should avoid doing.
- bluebellbkkLv 78 months ago
OK. You are now officially a troll. You have foisted your repellent non-story on us once too often. Take your nasty fantasies about this idiotically sad soldier and the pathetic useless 'victim' away and for God's sake get on and write your story.
Nobody here cares any more - most of us gave up at about version 4 - as you are plainly determined not to pay the slightest attention to anything we've said, and continue to post only because in some twisted unpleasant way you derive satisfaction from the girl's total helplessness.
Go away, write your sad creepy tale, and leave us alone.
PS While I'm about it, let me add that you should take your English up several levels before you inflict this rubbish on us again.
- Elaine MLv 78 months ago
Better set it in another country, the prison system doesn't work that way over here.
- Anonymous8 months ago
True emotions come from true-to-life stories. Try to put some elements of your own life into it.
The Master of Perception: http://tiolibooks.com/cgi-bin/blog
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- AmarettaLv 78 months ago
There's already plenty of tragedy and emotion in your story. You just need to write it well so that the emotion comes through.
- AndrewLv 78 months ago
What's tragic is that you continue to believe that people care about this cliché tripe that you keep spamming. I get more emotional when one of my ball point pens runs out of ink than I do reading the endless string of rubbish you insist on plastering all over this forum. If you want to instill emotion in someone, piss off and don't come back. Trust me, doing so would make plenty of people happy.
- The Football GodLv 78 months ago
He could have read this question.
- Katrina E.Lv 78 months ago
Yes - write it. Honestly, it you, the writer, that is going to make the story tragic and emotional, not some plot twist. How you write - how you execute the story - is what is going to determine whether the readers feel the emotion.
Figure out why readers should care about your characters and their story. What are the core themes of the story that readers can relate to? Then develop those themes in your writing. Find an emotional anchor for the characters. Make sure they are complex and developed. Relying on a plot to create drama will likely lead to melodrama instead.
And incorporate general writing guidelines - show don’t tell, be concise (no “purpose prose”, a voice cliches.
Focus on dialogue - it’s a good opportunity to present emotions.
- TinaLv 78 months ago
Yes. Stop asking questions about it and just write it if that is what you want to do.