Had sex with my best friend, but I'm gay?
My bestie is a female that I met years ago back in training. We were close and became even closer after training.
Last night we had a few drinks and was talking about our old relationships ( I got recently divorced from my husband) and one thing led to another and we had sex??
We haven't spoke since then, been pretty quiet. Afterwards I left and went home, no words were said just nothing from either of us.
I just can't figure why it happened and why neither of us stopped it. We weren't even drunk.
Should I call? Or just leave it alone like it never happened?
- iammclaneLv 74 weeks agoFavorite Answer
A bisexual moment. Lots of us think of ourselves as "gay" or "straight" but we really have the capability to respond to BOTH sexes. Technically, you've shown yourself that you are actually bisexual. (That changes nothing about you, btw.)
Yes you should talk about it. It doesn't have to become a defining feature of your relationship with her, but it also doesn't have to become a never-mentioned secret, either. Everybody has needs and desires that sometimes are best satisfied with intimacy, so these things happen all the time. It doesn't oblige either of you for anything in the future - it is almost certainly just a one-time thing. But don't assume that's the case when your discussion gets around to it.
It IS awkward if you normally don't speak to each other on a daily basis. I'd recommend you text along the lines of "Hey, I'd like to chat. Mind if I call?" and see what you get back. If she puts you off, she's still processing, so give it a week and try again.
Your objective is simply to let her know that you are concerned about what she makes of your intimacy - whether it was upsetting her, or if it was something that she hopes to continue - and regardless of her answer to that, that you want to ensure she's feeling alright, and still likes being your friend. That's all.
- 4 weeks ago
Sexuality is fluid. It doesn't matter that you slept with her, what matters is whether you liked it or not. Sleeping with the opposite-sex doesn't make you any less gay, and vice versa
- reme_1Lv 74 weeks ago
DId you enjoy it? HAve you ever had feelings for another woman before? Were you ashamed? Or freaked out? The parting with no words seemed kind of hurtful. You should call her and discuss your feelings. You may be on the path to a new you.
HUGS from a SENIOR lesbian
- Anonymous4 weeks ago
Maybe you arent as gay as you thought.
Congratulations on losing your heterosexual virginity
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- LetoLv 54 weeks ago
Giving both you and her some time to process this would be a good idea. In the meantime, acknowledge that something did happen and that you need some time to figure out what it was and what it means. Reassure her that this doesn't change your friendship. Be willing to listen if she needs or wants to talk about it. This will take some time for both of you to work through. Good luck!
- David B.Lv 74 weeks ago
Pretending something never happened when it did is a piss poor strategy in my opinion. I think if you are actually friends you should be able to sit down like two adults and discuss it. The longer you wait to do so, the more awkward things are going to get. If you value your friendship with this lady, I suggest you get together and have a talk. Leave the alcohol out of it.