I try to hard, and I know it - friendships, relationships etc - how to manage this?

I am an achiever. I give my whole self when I do something, and I really am genuine about it. I care, and I show it whether it's friends or work. I don't let people down ever. If I say I'm going to be there for my kids, colleagues, friends or my husband, I am. I'm the most reliable person you can imagine. I have a high level job with near 6-figure salary, but work from home to be a very present and supportive mother and wife. I have also been supporting a sibling with mental health issues, through some tough times recently. I've given my all to everyone, including friends who have been going through some personal things. I'm literally the one saying, 'Hey how is everything going? Haven't touched base for a while, we should meet for a coffee...'. With my kids, I'm constantly catching up on their daily activities (which is fine, they're young still), with my siblings I'm the one reaching out to everyone and encouraging them. Literally nobody reaches out to me. Ever. I've even left it weeks at times - nothing. I feel like moving to a cabin in the woods and forgetting it all. My husband had sciatica recently and I was massaging his hip to help, for like three months. Did I get a return massage? Never. Even though I've said, you know, you owe me some massages, he never offers. I'm like everyone's reliable doormat. How do I change?

2 Answers

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  • martin
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    Some people are givers, others are takers. People generally continue that way all through life.

  • Lili
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    Assuming you are not a troll:

    No one's going to know that you need support, help, encouragement, whatever, if you do not communicate this.  You cannot expect other people to read your mind; you cannot expect other people to take the initiative to check on you if you appear to be functioning just fabulously well and don't need any help.

    People who AREN'T functioning fabulously well are surely not going to be checking in on you.  They think YOU are doing just fine, because that's what YOU have been communicating, and they have too many problems of their own to deal with someone who acts like she's in fantastic shape.

    I repeat: if you have problems and need support from friends and family, ASK FOR HELP. If you don't do so, you have no right to whine and complain.

    Really, no one should have had to tell you this.

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