Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 9 months ago

In love with my colleague and very down about it. Needed to rant?

Okay so there's a significant age gap between us (I'm a 27 year old female and he's a 47 year old male). 

I'm married and he is married. He's told me he actually doesn't want to be with his wife anymore and that he feels trapped..

We've developed a close bond at work and we text a lot outside of work. Also been rather flirty which I'm not proud of. To the extent of thigh touching and sexualized talk. I am now emotionally cheating on my husband. I never thought I'd fall out of love with my husband... But since my new feelings for my colleague, I don't want to be intimate with my husband anymore however I still couldn't imagine life without him. I care for him so much and this is breaking me. 

I know and I am welcome to lots of verbal remarks about this. But I really cannot help my feelings and I'm struggling massively. I don't know what to do.

Needed to get it out.

Anyone had this experience? 

5 Answers

  • K M
    Lv 6
    9 months ago

    The same thing happened with an X wife of mine. She brought me around by watching a lot of porn with me, and she started talking about how cool it would be if she were able to have other partners. She was a master at it. She'd get me to the brink, then talk. I would be so "ready" that everything started making perfect sense. We started slowly, then it just picked up speed on it's own. I became complicit in her adventures. The only reason that we ended up divorced was a company move instigated by her company. I wasn't able to leave my company.

  • Anonymous
    9 months ago

    You sound like a Bitchez.

  • 9 months ago

    I know more about this than I would dare write.  Your society expects you to ditch your husband if you are enjoying your lover.  The society is wrong because it causes so much harm.  You can love your husband yet LUST after the affair.  What you shouldn't do is to lose intimacy with your husband to assuage your guilt over the affair.  In fact you should feel DOUBLY guilty if you do this.

    So I am saying that I fully understand the excitement of the affair but DON'T let it destroy you though feelings of guilt.  Don't let it destroy your marriage either.

    We used to do genetic testing as part of biology at school. We stopped because we kept discovering children that could not have come from their two parents.  Affairs are a lot more commonplace that people are prepared to publicly accept. Which tends to make them a bunch of hypocrites.

    So my advice is to make sure that your husband does not lose anything as a result of the affair.  Don't take it out on him.  He is not to blame.  You haven't fallen out of LOVE with your husband.  You merely are experiencing the highs of a different sexual experience.

    I think that we are programmed to "outcross" to maximize our biological chances of survival.  But it doesn't fit within our society which then puts us into an invidious position.

  • 9 months ago

    It is a huge age gap between you and this man and he is flrting because he can. It is just Lust you both feel. If you want to stay with your husband then work on your marriage, put romance back into it, see a therapist, do whatever it takes. Otherwise if it is the other man you want then be kind to your husband and tell him and end the marriage, because Im sure he deserves and wants a woman to be with only him. By the way, if a guy flirts with you while he is married, he will also flirt when he is with you. Leopards never change their spots.

  • What do you think of the answers? You can sign in to give your opinion on the answer.
  • Jerry
    Lv 6
    9 months ago


    First are you sure he's saying what he's saying about his marriage isn't just a way to bed you? (I used that same reason) Is the attention he's giving you, giving you a rush like being pursued again? Is he having a mid-life crisis and you're his "crazy solution?" Marriage can get stale (happens to most all of us!). Or, is it genuine feelings for each other? As someone who's had an affair, and regretted it (I was SELFISH to the max!), remember it's a bell you can't un-ring... And, once you're naked together, it won't be thigh touching and talk in the future - I know from experience. Is he worth losing your marriage for? It's a shi**y spot to be in; all I can offer is what it felt like for me...while the sex was world class, what I didn't realize while my penis was doing all the thinking, was that she was emotionally about 13, and chronologically 45. POOR & SELFISH decision on my part. You have to evaluate whether it's really love, or is it infatuation and lust? As for the age difference, that is neither here nor there.

Still have questions? Get answers by asking now.