Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsWeddings · 4 weeks ago

The first guy I am hanging out with has a child... I like him very much but I'm not sure if I want to go on with this relationship (we are ?

At the beginninf by the way). Anyway, long story short. I am 22, he's 28. After many stares, glances and blushing, we hang out. My first date with a guy... better late than never. He's perfect, good looking, shy, always correct and good hearted. Til this happens. He tells me he has a child. (An almost 2 years old son). I'm like... wow. A child. I love babies and kids! I thought I reacted this way cause I saw him more than a friend than a partner (after he confessed having a son). I tell him look, I might not be ready for this. I'm coming our from years of mistreatment and now I'm finally breathing. He's like, meet my son. I fell in love with his child. He's so sweet and cute. We played, had fun together, and he fell asleep in my arms after I was reading a fairytale. When his mom came, she got mad because I was at his place with their child, and that I ruin 'his idea of motherly figure'. I was like ok, I'm going home. He stopped me and let me stay when they went away he explained everything, that his ex is about to move a thousand miles away from here to start a new life with her new boyfriend, and that there's nothing he can do to stop it, the judge didn't give him custody and he is depressed cause he won't raise his child - another man will. He broke down crying and it was the first time I saw him so weak. I tried to console him but I wasn't much in the thing. After years of mistreatment I wonder why should I console someone when I went through much worse than this and no


One helped me or consoled me.  But When he took my hand, I melted. He said 'why have you come in my life only now? Why after all this?' I didn't know what to say. My heart says stay, you like him, you're probably gonna love him if you just listen to your sentimental side, the other part of me says 'let go all this. You don't want to fighr with his ex, families like this never work, and why should you take a man who already has a family. 

Update 2:

Why should you even console him, if no one did that for you'. If I listen to the innocent, good hearted me I would jump on him and say yes. If I listen to myself after all the s*** I have been through, I'll go away immediately.

7 Answers

  • Teal
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago
    Best answer

    I think you are too young to deal with this much baggage. There are red flags all over this guy. He let a strange woman meet his kid after one date, and didn't even tell his ex about you. This isn't something responsible parents do. He also can't be that involved if a judge gave his ex full custody and allowed the move. The crying and the guilt trip comes off as manipulative. Go with your gut.

  • Anonymous
    3 weeks ago

    You should always go for someone who is more like yourself if you don't have children that is a lot you don't have in common.  Forget about this guy and keep looking.

  • Anonymous
    3 weeks ago

    oh no, honey... NO.... this guy has WAY TOO MUCH BAGGAGE.... run. please. just run far away from relationships like this. his ex will make your life a living hell...

  • 3 weeks ago

    If he lives within the usa (does he?) there is a law that you cannot remove a child from its parent beyond a certain distance, something like a maximum of fifty miles. He may have to go to court to get this taken care of.  If he's contributing child support and wants to be in this child's life, he has every chance of getting the law on his side.  As for your hesitations about being involved with him, that's up to  you, but be informed and clear headed about it: when someone becomes a parent, they are hence forward, a package deal.   Unfortunately, hostile or problem causing exes often come along, as well.  You refer to your own history of undefined mistreatment, and if this is getting in the way, perhaps some good individual counseling is in order for you. Good luck and good wishes,  

    • Dr. Stephanie
      Lv 7
      3 weeks agoReport

      Teal is right: if he introduced you to his child after just one date, that alone would be a red flag, not to mention the other things that were cited. 

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  • 3 weeks ago

    I think you are correct. He probably needs someone who will truly love him & his son.

  • 4 weeks ago

    It's interesting that your guy's lawyer didn't ask the Court to set a domicile for the child (such as can't move out of the County or State without Court approval.

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    If you have to bare your soul to strangers and ask strangers to determine the course of your life you are too immature to be in any relationship, including this one.

    He is SO VERY WRONG and SO OBVIOUSLY DISHONEST when he says he didn't get residential custody and so his "ex" can move with the child.  THIS IS NOT CORRECT IN EVERY STATE IN THE US.  If he stands there and does nothing but cry, whose issue is that.

    He is either deliberately lying to you or he's dumb as rocks.  That is MOST DEFINITELY NOT how the law works, how residential custody works.

    I'd leave on the grounds that he is dishonest.

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