Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 month ago

My older brother killed my hamster? What should I do??

So a few nights ago I went out for a few hours, my parents weren't home and my 19 year old brother was the only one in the house. When I came back home, I checked on my pet hamster and he was dead. His face looked crush and there was blood in his mouth. Nearby I found a book with a blood smear on it. When I confronted my brother he was very drunk, when I tried talking to him he laughed at me and wouldn't admit to it.

My parents came home, they were pissed obviously. But they tried excusing it as he was drunk. Now it's forgotten. What should I do? I really doubt my older brother has an excuse for this behavior, he has a history of this. How do I make my parents take more action? Or maybe I should? Any suggestions on what to do ? ??

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  • 1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    I’m so sorry for the loss of your pet.  This is not your fault, don’t feel guilty, allow yourself to grieve and ignore those who don’t respect your feelings.

    I want to suggest that you recognize that your brother is probably a sociopath and your best bet is going to be to protect yourself from him.  If your parents are “excusing” his behavior by saying he was drunk they are colluding with a sociopath. This is not uncommon in families, I have a sociopath brother who tormented me and my pets until I cut him out of my life.  The reaction I got from my family was “Oh, that’s just S___.  He does that to everyone.” - like that made it ok.  Even when I point out that at least a half dozen women have had to get restraining orders and how many times he has been arrested for assault and other offenses “Oh, those girls all deserved it, it wasn’t his fault, it’s a misunderstanding, it was blown out of proportion.”  

    From a legal standpoint, there is little you can do.  From a life-learning standpoint you can use this experience to help you learn and remember to protect and defend yourself from your own family.

    You may want to google and read to gain an understanding of:

    Toxic family

    Toxic parents

    Toxic sibling

    Personality disorders

    Dark triad personality disorders

    Emotional and psychological abuse

    Interpersonal abuse

    As you read on the above you will find things that sound / feel familiar that can guide further reading and research.  I will apologize in advance for opening Pandora’s Box for you on this - I wish someone had done it for me when I was young.  I didn’t realize I had been abused by my toxic family all my life til I was 50.  10 years later I’m still healing and so happy to be free of them.

    I also want to suggest that you start planning your exit from this family.  If you are a young person not yet able to move out on your own, start planning for that.  Get a bank account (probably best secretly) figure out how to start a next egg, start researching housing options and part time jobs, even if just a few hours a week.  Get a start on adult interactions in the world and plan for when you will be out of the house and able to make your own decisions.

    If you are college bound at your parents expense, look for colleges that are out of the area of your family, far enough that weekend visits aren’t practical.  This will be incredibly freeing.  Once you are away from your family, with an understanding that you were raised in a toxic and abusive environment, which causes you to actually see that kind of behavior as “normal”, you will learn to identify toxic behavior quickly and avoid it and seek positive, healthy relationships that will allow you to grow and be yourself.

    If you do as I suggest and start learning about this sort of abusive behavior and what I think is going on in your family structure you are going to be outraged, you are going to want to “fix” it, you are going to want to share what you are learning with your family in the hopes that they wake up and change.  Try to resist this urge and FOR AT LEAST A YEAR allow your understanding of the dynamic to allow you to emotionally detach, back up and watch the dynamic unfold in front of you while staying as detached and uninvolved in it as possible.  If your family senses you are no longer knee-jerk reacting to their behavior they will probably try harder for the reaction they are used to.  They may try A LOT harder.  Eventually, if you stop reacting, they will move on to other “prey” because you won’t be filling their needs by allowing them to control your feelings.  If you try to talk about this with them, they will tell you that you are crazy, mixed up, that YOU are the abusive and confused one.  That is your proof of the abuse, nutty as it sounds, that they blame their abusive behavior on your and your perceptions.

    You could also try talking to a school counselor or an adult you trust, but be cautious about things that may get back to your family - if an abusive family feels they are losing control of their scapegoat they make it even harder for the scapegoat and if you are trapped in the family by age and economics for the moment, that will be very very difficult for you.

    If you have any sort of resources to get out of the house, to move in with a friend or other, not abusive, family member, try to do that.  And as I suggested, google and read and keep quiet about what you will be learning about interpersonal dynamics, at least for now.

    I wish you the best.

    J.

    • Jerry
      Lv 6
      4 weeks agoReport

      I'm with you. "Oh, that's just the way Teddy is" stuff is bull poop. Just because Teddy's a mean SOB doesn't mean Teddy HAS TO BE a mean SOB. Teddy COULD choose to change, but instead chooses to be that hateful SOB. 

  • 1 month ago

    That poor hampster, what a horrible way to die. The only thing you can do is not have any more pets while your brother still lives at home. It sounds like he needs help for his alcoholism. All the best.

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    maybe you should talk to someone in animal control about it

  • 1 month ago

    You have a problem because you can't prove your brother was responsible because you nor anyone else saw it happen.  Your hamster could have escaped and knocked a book on himself just as easily as what you think your brother did and all your brother did was put him back in his cage.  If you can't prove the crime your parents can't convict your brother.

    In the future you can maybe get a video camera of your bedroom to protect your things, or maybe just secure them apart from your brother better.  Good Luck.

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  • Jerry
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    1. Harming animals for no good reason is an indication of serious mental health problems. Don't get any more pets. Keep yourself safe.

    2. Being drunk isn't a "engage in wrong doing with impunity" card. Remind your parents that while intoxication may EXPLAIN your brother's behavior, it doesn't EXCUSE it. Let them know that you're disappointed in them for not holding your brother accountable for such clearly wicked behavior. 

    3. Don't seek revenge. Two wrongs don't make a right; they make a blight. Keep your own behavior above reproach so that it remains clear that your brother is the guilty perpetrator while you (and the poor little hamster) are innocent victims. And keep yourself safe by not challenging your drunk mentally ill brother. Just keep your head down. 

  • Ricky
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    I remember when I was a kid I killed a bird and I sure did feel guilty as f uck. I thought it was a fun thing to do but I was wrong. I easily learned that taking another animals life away is wrong. I felt so bad I cried so hard. From there I never touched another animal again. I know how precious life can be. Your bothers are both cycles 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Your parents should be handling this.  It's not up to you to "take action."  Don't get another pet.

  • marty
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Report him to authorities.  Animal abuse is a serious crime these days and will soon be a felony. 

  • Linda
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    Don't get another pet until you move out and get your own place. I doubt you can do anything. Your brother is one demented sicko.

  • 1 month ago

    Get a pit bull next time. At least you'll know whose blood is smeared anywhere.

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