How do I explain my husband's plans make me feel excluded?
He was telling me about Thanksgiving plans with his family. He said he is looking forward to watching football on Thanksgiving day while the food is being prepared. His mother and aunts will be cooking and getting things ready. Meanwhile he is planning on drinking beer and watching the game with his dad, uncles and cousins. He said I'd have fun talking to my in-laws as if that's "his plan" for me. I in no way want to do this. I was so happy we were going to his parents' because I don't have to prepare food this year. I want to relax and maybe watch the game with him. He seems to be exlcluding me from his plans. I am very upset and sad, but he doesn't know this. Why does he want to get rid of me? What do I do or say? I don't want him to have me there just because I complained. Also, apparently his mother and other relatives just assume I am going to help prepare the meal. I am not looking forward to the holiday now and my festive spirit has pretty well evaporated.
- Dr. StephanieLv 78 months agoFavorite Answer
It sounds as if your impression is that he is into the guy thing at Thanksgiving, e.g., eating, drinking, watching football. He isn't really responsible for providing you with your own game plan, how you will spend your time there, you are. It may be commonly traditional in this family for the women to gather in food preparation,, as is often the case. If you don't want to do this, inform your hostess in advance that you would prefer to bring a contribution instead of preparing one , and ask her what she'd like you to bring. And if you want to watch football, do it ! You don't need to be so upset and sad that he doesn't know how you feel, it sure doesn't sound like you communicated your feelings and wishes to him, so why would he know about them? Tell him, but don't rely on him to plan or supervise your activity there, do it yourself. Happy Thanksgiving.
- something fishyLv 78 months ago
Fake sick that morning and stay home alone.
- FoofaLv 78 months ago
He sees you every day. Unless you're dysfunctionally close to his family he doesn't see them every day. Unless he's leaving you home alone to go do this you're overreacting. You won't always be the center of your spouse's attention. Accepting that reality might just save your marriage.
- 8 months ago
Um... Have you tried talking to him about this? Communication is the key.
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- Judy and CharlieLv 78 months ago
I have no idea what you want from your husband and his family!
You can go and sit with him and his dad and watch the game.
You can go and walk into the kitchen and ask if there is something you can do. If there isn't anything for you to do, you can sit in the kitchen and absorb some "Women's Kitchen Wisdom" with the girls as they talk about the family history or gossip.
You can go with a book to read, a crossword puzzle to do or some Knitting.
However it sounds as if you only want two things this holiday:
1) All of your husbands attention all the time and...
2) No cooking, kitchen helping, clean up or any socializing with the women in his family.
So what is it that you wanted, exactly?
- PatriciaLv 78 months ago
Then stay home and enjoy some peace and quiet alone. I'm not above doing something like this myself. You can watch the game and drink your beer in peace
- PearlLv 78 months ago
maybe you should talk to him about it and tell him how it makes you feel
- Anonymous8 months ago
You have to understand that this is how males do things at gatherings. All the guys hang out together while the females have no choice but to hang out together. Guys do this at barbecues too, they all gather together and entertain themselves. There was an advertisement on TV once where the husband and wife went on holiday to a resort. While there, the husband "coincidentally" bumps into his friend, then another friend and then another. The guys had planned it so they could holiday together while leaving their wives to hang out with the other wives, who were not impressed.
- Beverly SLv 78 months ago
You must be newly married and very young. He's not leaving you, you can watch the game with him. But it is sort of expected for you to at least offer to help cook since you are now a part of his family.
- Anonymous8 months ago
It sounds like the type of thing a woman would complain about. Just tell your husband that you feel left out! I don't think its that hard of a question to ask. Everything is about communication which is the only thing that makes the relationship work out.
You might be excluded because
1. he just wants a break from you. Everyone including married people need a break from each other once in a while. Its a guys or girls night out sort of thing.
2. you're not socializing with his family which might make you feel ostracized from everyone else.
Its not required to socialize with his family but you gottta realize that when you married him, you also married into his family. And you might come into contact with them for the rest of your life. Try to get acquainted. You don't want to be known as the weird silent stranger lady in the room