How to deal with fear after a misscarriage?

I had a misscarriage about 6 months ago. It was very traumatic because I was already 18 weeks and 5 days when we found out our baby boy's heart stopped beating. I have 2 healthy children a 5 and 2 year old so that would have been baby number 3 for us. We were super exited, planning gender reveal, all of our friends and family knew. We decided to try again since the testing didnt show anything that stopped us from trying and my OB said I was perfectly healthy. I am now 10 weeks and 3 days pregnant with our rainbow baby but I cant shake the feeling that something is gonna go wrong. Unlike my last pregnancy in which I had a lot of bleeding during the first trimester I have had no bleeding at all this pregnancy babys heartbeat is perfect and we even saw baby move already. But as the pregnancy progresses I am more and more nervous that we will go through the same thing. I get a little cramping and I start to freak out, I get weird discharge and I freak out. I cant help it, even though everything has been reassuring this time I am always scared.

Is this normal?

Anyone gone through this that found a way to get through the fear?

I love this baby so much, but in a way I feel like its stopping me from fully connecting this time. 

Any help would be appreciated.

8 Answers

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  • 1 month ago

    Where on earth has this rainbow baby crap come from?????

    • Jingles
      Lv 7
      1 month agoReport

      I lost 3 they were miscarriage of pregnancy they were not children. I had more children after that I did not need to apply any unnecessary adjectives to that they were simply children. 

  • Edna
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    The chances that you'll have another miscarriage are very low. A miscarriage  is almost always what happens when your body recognizes that there's something "wrong" with the fetus and it's not going to develop normally, so your body  spontaneously aborts it.  In a sense, you could consider a miscarriage a blessing. 

    • Jessica1 month agoReport

      Yes I definately think I was blessed in so many ways. My body was not trying to get rid of the baby and could have gotten an infection but I sped up my appoinement because I was supposed to go on vacation. So I always thank God I found out on time and I'm now with my kids.

  • 1 month ago

    I am so sorry for the loss of your child.

    It is entirely normal to be scared of the same thing happening. All sorts of statistics can be cited saying that it's very unlikely that it will happen again, but at the heart of it is your heart which was broken when you lost your child, and you are afraid of having your heart break again.

    I agree with those suggesting you talk with a counselor about how you are feeling.

    • Jessica1 month agoReport

      Yes I think I'll definately look into counseling, I didnt think In needed it at the moment but I realize now how important it was for me to receive that help.

  • LizB
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    I haven't suffered pregnancy loss, but I did have to go through fertility treatments for both of my two and didn't really feel "connected" with either of them while I was still pregnant. With my daughter especially I almost didn't believe there was actually a baby in there, despite all I'd gone through to get her. I  know it sounds odd, but I wasn't totally convinced she had been in there until they took her out and I could finally see her for myself.

    Feeling this way means that at no point in my pregnancies was I able to just sit back and be happy I was pregnant. I was anxious and worried the *entire* time, and deeply envied mothers who had no real issues and could just enjoy the process. But the reason I'm sharing is this: My inability to "connect" with my pregnancies had NO impact on my ability to bond with my children once they arrived. Once I could see them and hold them and know they were all right, that's when the bonding began, and it continues as they grow up.

    So point being, I think your worries are very understandable, but please forgive yourself for them! If for the rest of this pregnancy you feel you need to protect your heart some and not grow too attached to this baby, then do what you need to do to get yourself through it, knowing that once you see that precious little face alive and well that it will all be okay. And you *will* love him or her every bit as much as you're able to love your other children. I absolutely promise you that. <3

    • Jessica1 month agoReport

      I also feel ungrateful at times because I have 2 perfectly healthy kids that Inlove with all my heart, and I feel like that should be enough, but it wasnt and Idk if that's wrong. I feel like Ibout myself in this situation, but I want this 3rd baby so bad, and couldnt help it.

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    I have lost 3 to miscarriage so I understand your fears and worries. During my pregnancies, I joined online support groups for people with high-risk pregnancies. My midwife was also very understanding to my fears too which helped. If I called with worries or concerns I was allowed to come to the office and listen to my baby's heartbeat. This was in the late 1990s & early 2000s. These days you can buy a gadget to listen to the heartbeat at home. If I had that back then that would have eased my fears a lot.

    Therapy too isn't a bad idea this way you can learn some healthy things to do to help you keep calm and stop the nonstop worry. But, as I said the worry is normal. I stressed and worried till delivery. I went on to have two more kids after my 3 miscarriages.

    Congrats and everything should go well.

    • Edna
      Lv 7
      1 month agoReport

      No matter how far along you are & how well everything seems to be going, a miscarriage means that your body sensed there was something "wrong" with the fetus, so your body self-aborted it (the fetus died). That does NOT mean you're ever  gong to have another miscarriage. 

  • 1 month ago

    It would be great to continue to consult with the therapist who helped you through the loss.  He/she would also be a great resource for handling the logical fear during this current pregnancy. 

    • Tri-Harder
      Lv 7
      1 month agoReport

      Then now would be a great time to start.  :)  Your doctor should have recommendations, they deal with things like this all the time and have support.  Best of luck!

  • MissA
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    It's normal.

    It's not particularly *logical*, but it's totally normal.

    Loss makes you more suspicious that good things won't last. Talking to a counselor/therapist about it might very well help... anxiety and stress are totally treatable conditions, and I suggest you at least try. But possibly the only thing that will work for you is the natural operation of time and distance.

    • Jessica1 month agoReport

      Yes, I knew I would always have a fear when getting pregnant again but it's at the point that I get diarrhea when Inhave an ultrasound (sorry TMI). I get shaky, I cant concentrate, and after I see my baby and hear the heartbeat it makes me feel better. But I'm always scared still.

  • 1 month ago

    No that isn't normal.  I had 2 miscarriages.

    • Tri-Harder
      Lv 7
      1 month agoReport

      pearlmar, how is it NOT normal to fear you'll lose another pregnancy?  And Jessica, statistically speaking, you'll have a healthy, full term pregnancy.

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