Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 month ago

I am having doubts about marrying my fiance. Please help.?

We've been together for 4 and a half years. He treats me well and we really are best friends.

However, he started smoking black and mild recently and I hate smoking. He only smokes about once a week.

Also he doesn't go to church with me. I told him before we got together that we may not be compatible because he wasn't attending church but he said he wanted to go with me.

When we have time off work he says he is too tired to go or he is usually working on Sunday.

Then today, he was defending cheating in our conversation. He said he has never cheated on me and doesn't plan to but he was justifying cheating when we were discussing the topic in general.

I told him I wouldn't stay with a cheater and he said if a woman really loved a man then she should.

We kind of argued about this. Again, he clarified that he's not a cheater but he believes a man and a woman are different and that although he wouldn't deal with cheating, a woman should.

It makes me think differently about our future.

8 Answers

  • cat
    Lv 7
    1 month ago
    Best answer

    Your values clearly don't align together; you may love him but that doesn't make you compatible with him. This is what dating and relationships are all about. Of course compromise and sacrifice will be required in any relationship/marriage, but there's a difference between compromising on something worthy of compromise and having to change or give up a core value. Core values are not something that should be compromised.

  • Jerry
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    I think you should go with your gut feelings. Sounds like you've been compromising a lot just to be with him. All marriages involve compromise, but not on the basic principles...

  • 1 month ago

    You should be considering your compatibility as things seem to be shifting as you discover yourselves. While you shouldn’t be trying to mold him into how you’d like him to be, still it seems you’re moving apart. Try to discuss this calmly and maturely as it could be for the best.

  • 1 month ago

    Sure. Fidelity is only important to him in a marriage for the WOMAN, not the man. He's made that crystal clear. You do, indeed, get to decide what you'll do with that information!

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  • 1 month ago

    Your values do not align with each other. All of this is a huge red flag and you'd be wise to end this relationship now.

  • 1 month ago

    if u have doubt and find it unacceptable just jump out of this relationship

    • It's easier said then done. He has so many other great qualities. 

  • 1 month ago

    You should have more than "doubts". If he's behaving like this now, he will get worse.

  • Me
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    Wow! So he's saying to you he should be able to cheat and not have you leave him. That would definitely make me think twice about things!

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