Ashamed of your boyfriend?
I know it's awful but I'm ashamed being with him. I love his personality and how he is as person but he's obese. I'm trying to help him losing weight but he's making no effort at all. He eats even more actually. I don't wanna be with a guy that doesn't take care of himself. Any advice?
- LindaLv 79 months ago
He was obese when he asked you to be his girlfriend and you knew it, didn't like it then, but settled for him knowing you liked him but not his weight problem. If he won't change and it bothers you that much, probably break up with him. He probably is not interested in dieting.
- Dr.PepperLv 49 months ago
If he doesn't care about himself he doesn't care about you.
- ZLv 59 months ago
If you love his personality, then perhaps the best course of action is to get over your revulsion for fat people. Sometimes, the way we perceive things are colored by societal influences, but they may not really be our own personal preferences. For example, in some countries (e.g. South Sudan) fat men are the most sought after by women, because being fat is evidence of good living, affluence, and a good-natured spirit. And I'm guessing also because the people there are genetically thin, so it would take a really great amount of affluence, freedom from worry, and comfortable living to get any one of them to become fat.
Anyway, my point is, search within your heart and find out if you personally don't like obese people, or if you are only ashamed of him because of what people might think (and trust me, people don't really care). If the former is the case, then it would be better to leave him and find a man with the kind of physique that it to your taste, and I'm sure he'll find a lady who actually prefers chubby guys. But if the latter is the case, then the best course of action would be to get over your false perception and stop caring about what people, the only thing that matters is what YOU like. So, be true to yourself whatever you decide.
But you know, it's really difficult to find someone who you actually LOVE their personality, so try to place that above the material (i.e. his outer shell). The body is merely a vehicle that houses the soul, the soul is the real deal.
- Pat WoodenLv 79 months ago
People don't become overweight because they want to. People don't become overweight because they don't know what foods are bad for them. People don't become overweight because no one has lectured them. Yet, you and all the people answering seem clueless about why he's overweight and about how to change that.
No one is mentioning that many obese people have emotional issues that they are trying to work through. Have you heard of emotional eating? Many of these people have been abused and bullied. When life is hard, food can be the only pleasure they have. Condemning their eating habits and calling them unmotivated is mean completely misses the point.
One major mistake is making someone go on a diet. Science (and many people's own experience) prove that diets don't work. And suddenly making drastic changes in his eating habits isn't going to work. What will work is eating healthy, balanced meals and even snacks. The results will be slow and steady, he will learn about smart choices without being lectured, and he won't gain the weight back.
The best weight reduction program I know of is Weight Watchers, since they address all the social and emotional issues involved and don't dramatically cut out foods. He can sign up on their website, and no classes or weigh-ins are required. You need to keep things positive, find things to compliment him on and stop trying to "help" him with your suggestions. If you can't do that, do him a favor and let him go so he can find someone who truly understands him.
- What do you think of the answers? You can sign in to give your opinion on the answer.
- KiddiLv 49 months ago
Yeah I get that
- Anonymous9 months ago
You will not be able to give him a proper BJ as his tummy will be on your face plus his co co will be smaller and will not reach your throat...your pleasure and satisfaction is more important than anything else. find a in shape man
- VickiLv 59 months ago
Yeah, move on and let him be with someone who wants to love him for him. No matter what he looks like...
The more you push to get him to lose weight, the more he is likely to push back. Because his choice to lose weight is just that. HIS CHOICE. Your insistence likely makes him realize that you don't approve of the way he looks. And it makes him become a little resentful. I'm not going to lie.
You yourself need to find someone else. And he deserves better.
Either that, or change the beat of your drum. Don't get on him to lose weight because YOU'RE EMBARRASSED. I'm pretty sure he's dealt with that enough all his life, he doesn't need it from his girlfriend too. If you're gonna go at this, go at it from a health POV. Make sure you give him HEALTH RELATED reasons to lose weight. Heart health, joint health, that kind of stuff.
Stop being ashamed. Being overweight is already something people have trouble with on their own. He doesn't need your help. Smarten up, or leave.
- 9 months ago
Either you love him for who he is or you don't, there's nothing wrong with leaving someone because they can't take care of themselves. You're not his parent, you don't need to take care of him.
Yes, a nice part of being with someone is that you have someone to rely on but if they don't make an effort then it's hopeless to try. You'll work to achieve something impossible. You can't change someone, you can encourage someone to change but in the end it's their responsibility and not yours. If being with him makes you uncomfortable then you should be clear about that to him and tell him what's up. Maybe then you two can come up with a solution.
- SandyLv 79 months ago
if you leave him, maybe that will give him incentive to do something about his weight. as long as you stay, he sees nothing wrong and continues as is.