What Should I do?
I'm 42 years old. Got married to a man with 11 years old son. We are married for 5yrs now everytime I bring the topic of having a kid he seemed uncomfortable. I gave him ample of time, I thought may be one day he will realise that even I need a kid. Today I openly brought up the topic stating even if we have to go for a IVF I want to have a kid. He said that he is not ready and then went on to say that he cant afford. We are too old to bring up a kid. He is my age I tried to reason him out but to no avail. We ended up fighting and I did tell him that if he doesn't want to have a kid with me let's divorce. I dont know what to do??
- 8 months ago
There has to be a deeper reason than just finances. Tell him that you want to have an open and transparent conversation about the matter. Kids will always be worth the time and money!
- LindaLv 78 months ago
That's something you both should have discussed before marriage. My take on this is that you didn't and when you married you were happy enough for you to just have the one child, your husband's. Later as you are coming to the end of your child bearing years you want a baby. The problem is that he doesn't. If you divorce you may find another man that wants kids but if you are happily married, why throw that away? I understand how you feel but this is something that should have came up a long time ago. Maybe it would be best to enjoy what you have if your husband won't budge.
- TjLv 78 months ago
Get a divorce. Having a kid at your age is too much. You will be retired when he finishes school. Plan on having the kid call you grandma, I have seen a number oof people have a kid at your age, inside of 5 years they are divorced.
- OcimomLv 78 months ago
If this was never discussed between you before marriage, its wrong to bring it up now. At 42 yrs old many couples have adult children and some even grandchildren on the way. You will be 60 yrs old by the time the child graduates.
IMO you should just forget about having kids at this point in time. One or both of you should make it permanent (vasectomy or tubes tied). Keep in mind at at your age its more likely to have a child with genetic problems and needing a lot more medical treatments.
- What do you think of the answers? You can sign in to give your opinion on the answer.
- FoofaLv 78 months ago
Your only real options here are to either stay with him and not have a child or leave him and have one on your own. It's not like you're ever going to be able to change his mind...so you need to make up yours.
- seedy historyLv 78 months ago
It's very magical to get to be 42 (or 37), never had a kid (likely on purpose) and then demand to have one now or get a divorce. I think, since that is the option you have suggested to yourself and your husband as an equally valid choice to having a baby.... just get the divorce. Leave him today. If you can afford to raise a kid on your own, if you can afford to have the procedure on your own, try it. I think that having a first baby at 42-43 IS going to prove quite exhaustive by 48 but this is a new age dilemma and you've designed a choice for yourself.
- 8 months ago
Leave him asap! Dont wait a day longer!
Get pregnant through artificial insemination and have a baby or two or more.
Dont listen to idiots telling you its risky, teen pregnancies are riskier.
If your body, mind and soul are telling you to have a baby, listen to yourself. You only have one life, dont let someone ruin it for you.
- Coach SimonLv 78 months ago
You are in difficult position, obviously. Your husband clearly will not be persuaded to have a child with you, and even if you could he would probably resent both of you for ever. Why on earth have you left it so late for such a discussion? Only you can decide what to do.
- TealLv 78 months ago
You two should have had this discussion and been in agreement before you got married. If you truly wanted a child so badly, you wouldn't have bet your future on assumptions, and five years is a long time to sit around and wait at your age. Be honest with yourself, why is this such a big deal now?
He made it clear that he isn't going to change his mind. Your choices are to accept it and give up on having a child, or to get a divorce. If you want a kid, at this point you are probably going to have to get a donor and do it yourself.
- 8 months ago
It is risky but did you discuss it before you guys got married. I mean what are the outcomes here. Evaluate the situation...he is either on board on not. Are you going to leave if he doesn't really want another one? If you discuss it, I would do it with a third party there maybe a counselor because if it is just you and him obviously it just leads to fighting which results in everyone just being upset.