Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 9 months ago

I've started dating a guy a lot younger. I really like him However, there are still some concerns I have about the age gap. I need advice!?

I'm a 45 year old woman starting a relationship with a 27 year old man. (If anyone wants to give the advice for us to stop dating because of the age gap please do not comment. We are going to date. That is not what this question is about). A huge part of me isn't worried about the age gap at all. He's highly mature for his age. I feel we're at a very similar maturity age level. For that reason I don't feel an age gap when I'm around him. I'm crazy about him and I want to date him.

However,I do sometimes worry the age gap may be a concern latter on. I've never dated anyone with this much of an age difference and I am concerned some unique issues may potentially arise latter. There are a few things I've specifically wondered

A)I am concerned we may be in different stages of life. There are a few things that do make me feel better about this concern though. I do feel we're at a similar maturity level/"age". Furthermore, he does have a college degree and a good paying career (it's not like he's in the student stage of life) However, the age difference still may translate into different life experiences. Furthermore, I do have 2 sons (21&22) I do worry how the relationship will affect them and vice versa.

B)One of my main concerns is (if the relationship goes far enough) if he wants to have kids in the future. Right now he's confident he doesn't want kids, but if he changes his mind (which he may not) that will be a major issues.

C) Sex. This may be silly, but(more to read)


I am concerned if sex with a younger guy will be very different from having it with a guy my age. We haven't had sex yet, but we will soon (and I want to have sex). What can I do to make sure we have a great sexual relationship even with the age gap?

D) I know I couldn't care about this, but I am a little concerned about the social stigma.

Update 2:

I know there's going to be a lot of judging/people being weirded out over this I'm not so worried that it makes me want to not have a relationship, but I would like advice on how to handle it best.

Please help me with advice with these questions (and any other bits of advice you may want to give about how to best handle age gap relationships). Thank you so much!

Update 3:

Just to make it clear I for sure want to try to date him, but that doesn't mean I don't have some concerns I'd like advice on. 

6 Answers

  • 9 months ago

    Yes, it's very clear that you only have the maturity of a 27 year old.

    A. Yes, you ARE in two different stages of life. DUH. Why any mature woman would want to date someone who is in a totally different life stage is a mystery to me.

    B. You can't have more kids. WHEN he decides he's ready for a family, he will go find a woman his own age to have a family with. You're delusional if you think otherwise.

    C. This is making me laugh!! Yes, sex will feel different. Mature men understand that sex is about the woman's pleasure, not his own. The older men are, the better they are at pleasing their partners.. The fact that you're worried tells me you KNOW this..

    D. There is a REASON for the social stigma. Think about why people will question your relationship.. I know I'm questioning it.. Sorry, but not in a million years would I ever consider dating someone from my children's generation.. They simply have NOTHING to offer the life I'm leading in middle age..

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  • 9 months ago

    Be prepared for him to leave you in less than 5 years.

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  • Anonymous
    9 months ago

    My husband is 12 years my junior. There are no problems. I have had comments along the line of "He's not mature for his age, you're immature for your age." I was far more established in my career than he was when we met - for obvious reasons. No one knows what the future will bring, of course.

    My children were NOT thrilled They like him, possibly love him, but have a problem seeing him as a stepdad, particularly if and when he offers them advice.

    Concerning sex - there is either an attraction or there is not. Both of you are either satisfied or you are not. You talk over any issues or you do not. Do I see women his age in their bikinis, never having had children, and wonder if he's looking at them? In the beginning, but no longer.

    Friends - can be an issue. Some of my friends are old for their years; some of his friends are young for his years. That's not necessarily a good blend. We have a lot of mutual friends, not mine, not his, and that works.

    You mention college degrees - I have an advanced degree as does my husband. I would be concerned if one of us had a BA/BS and the other was a high school graduate. I am a "corporate wife" in his career, and he is a "corporate husband" in mine.

    I DO find that I will hear a song or recognize a band, and he will have no idea who/what I'm talking about - the age difference shows. It's usually amusing.

    I would never have walked away from this relationship based on what would/could happen in the future. I DO know that in the beginning he was focused on marriage, and I was not. We eventually both felt the same, but neither one of us began planning a future when we were just beginning to date.

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  • 9 months ago

    Sex shouldn't be a problem. Women often have more of a sex drive in their 30s and 40s than they do when younger, while men have a higher sex drive in the teens and 20s. The issue of children could become a problem, but you'll have to decide if this relationship is good enough for you to just enjoy it for now, with the idea in mind that it may not last forever. So you can have several years of sharing your life with this man, or you can move on if you are determined to find a lifelong partner.

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  • Anonymous
    9 months ago

    This relationship probably won't last. I know several people who have been in relationships with age gaps. In 90% of teh cases, if the age gap is more than 10 years, the relationship fails. And if the woman is the older partner, it fails 100% of the time.

    I have a good friend who married a man who was 12 years younger than her. He pursued her for several years before they married. She was 42 and she was 30 when they tied the knot. He walked out on her two days before Christmas when she was 60. She was suffering from macular degeneration and had to retire early because of that. He apparently felt like he still had his life ahead of him, so he decided to cut and run. He's now with a younger woman and trying to have children with her.

    This is unfortunately fairly typical. Women are brought up with the expectation that we'll be caretakers. Men are brought up with the expectation that they'll be taken care of. When suddenly faced with the possibility of having to help care for an older partner, most men can't handle it.

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  • 9 months ago

    This is likely not a long term relationship. It is a fling. All those things you bring up will rear its head eventually. Enjoy it while it lasts, but don't cling to it when it's time has passed.

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