Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 12 months ago

Will knowing how my mother die give me closure and help me to come in terms with her death?

My mom died suddenly at the age of 37 back in 2003. She was staying back home in Africa. My Dad immigrated us here to Canada in 2000. When we left she was still okay. Then in 2003, we heard she was ill then next thing she was gone. I reconnected with the rest of the relatives on my mom's side. When y sister and I enquired how she passed, it was variation of her being poisoned or cancer. Finally after years my sister got into an argument with my grandmothers sister, where my mom was staying until she passed. And she finally said   that our mom died of Aids. she even provided her medical records and she said they didn't tell us to protect us. Even some people on my mothers side still don't want to talk about it. 

Dealing with her death has always been hard. Throughout my adulthood. But finding out her fate is devastating even she's gone either way. I feel heartbroken knowing that she was aware of illness, knowing she was going to die since there were no medications in that time but never told us when we communicated with her. We had no idea. Will I ever recover from this? 

3 Answers

  • 12 months ago
    Favourite answer

    You are in a sense the eyes and ears of your mom. As you embrace life, love, learning, and labor, celebrate your mom's life and the good memories you have of her. If you can, see a therapist who specializes in grief counseling to help you work through this. Not only will you recover, you will find ways to let your mom inspire you to do better. But, give yourself time.

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    11 months ago

    I'd take those medical records to a local doctor to have them read by a professional. You don't say where in Africa your mother died and that matters because the continent has some very state of the art nations but also some where record keeping isn't so thorough. I'll leave you with this true story... Family friend recently lost a child in a "hiking accident" in southeast Asia. She wanted to know the exact circumstances and so persisted. When she found out it was a medical error it nearly drove her crazy because she's a doctor. All who know her agree she'd have been better off not knowing the truth.

  • 12 months ago

    i dont think you ever forget it, you just learn to accept it

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