Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingParenting · 1 month ago

14 year old wants nothing to do with parents?

He has been asking for some days "completely" alone, meaning not to knock at his door if he is inside; leave the kitchen if he is in the kitchen; not to ask him about school or his behavior of any type. It is middle of the day right now, besides he didn't get up until 12:30 (which is fine), he stayed in his room until now when I called him out to at least get food. He went to the kitchen, but he made sure I leave, otherwise he would leave. What in the world!? Let me know if you experience things like that and how you would do to deal with it.

11 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    Tell the little idiot the world does not revolve around him. Your house, your rules. He has the right to do as he is told.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    i’m a 15 year old girl myself, while i’ve never had issues with my mother in my life, i treat her similarly to how your child can treat you, i know it’s terrible and just keep in mind that i genuinely do not mean it. depression causes me to become very easily agitated, and i will go to great extents just to get alone time. mental health could be something i’d take into consideration but whatever you do, please don’t go jumping straight into conclusions and deciding that he’s a spoiled brat because you could potentially be missing some really crucial underlying issues. i’ve gone through years of suffering and self-harm that’s still been completely unnoticed by my mother, so even if you think your son doesn’t have anything going on, you should still check up on him, better safe than sorry.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    He is either being totally disrespectful to the those who provide him with a home, food and warmth or he has a really big emotional/mental issue which must be explored. Firstly speak with his teachers and friends and if this achieves nothing it might be time to call social services. I'd leave them until more gentle measures are tried because, once in your life, you might have trouble removing them, and they might remove your child against your wishes.

    Give this problem just a little longer, as it's fairly new, then tell him that, if he won't open up and discuss this subject, you will be seeking help for him and yourselves.

    • Suzy Q
      Lv 7
      1 month agoReport

      Social services? What are they supposed to do about this? 

  • 1 month ago

    Ok first of all stop allowing him to treat you like a doormat and tell him " It's ok to want some alone time sometimes but I do not appreciate being treated this way". I can understand him wanting you to knock before entering, after all he's a teenager and probably doesn't want you to walk in on him masterbating so I wouldn't go in there without knocking unless he's in danger or you think he may be doing something he's not supposed to. If he asks you to leave the kitchen when he's in there, tell him that you have just as much of a right to be there as he does and will not tolerate being treated like that, take away a privilege he enjoys if he leaves. Also if he's getting up at 12 pm every day, send him to bed at 10 on school nights and buy him an alarm clock that's set to 6:00 am. If he doesn't get up once his alarm rings, he goes to school in his pajamas and once he realizes that it's not socially acceptable to show up at school in your pjs, he'll eventually start waking up on time.

    Source(s): Hope I helped
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  • 1 month ago

    Typical spoiled brat., its not normal for any child to act like that unless they are spoiled

    You take the door away so he can't shut it any more, after all he's a child and doesn't need privacy

    It is your house, your rules so you need to knock him one and make him obey the rules. No hiding in his room, no door, and you are the boss so ACT like it

    Stop letting him sleep until 12. You make him go to be at nine and wake his *** up at eight and take away all the electronics so he can't stay up on them all night

    At meal times he HAS to stay at the table and eat, if he doesn't want to eat then he gets nothing at all until the next meal time and serch the room to make sure he's not hiding food and likely drugs in there

  • Suzy Q
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    A 14 year old seeking solitude isn't that uncommon, but seriously. He demands you leave the kitchen when he comes in, and you didn't laugh in his face saying 'not gonna happen'?

    I would explain to him that it's okay to sometimes want alone time. I certainly do. But he is still part of a household, not an isolated individual. Some interaction comes with the territory.

    So no, he doesn't get to demand people leave the room when he comes in. And yes, he will participate in family dinner. And yes, I will knock on the door and wait for his answer before entering, and I won't linger for a lot of chit-chat if he wants to be alone, but no, I will not leave that basket of laundry outside his door and tip-toe away if the door is closed. And yes, I will ask him about school. And expect an answer. 

    He is not a VIP, our home is not a hotel, and I am not a maid who is supposed to get all the chores done without being seen or heard. Just because you're an angsty 14 year old doesn't mean you get to make everyone else walk on eggshells.

    Oh, and staying in bed until 12.30 is NOT fine. That is either lazy or or depressed. If the first, I will haul your butt out of bed to go do your chores. If the second, I will haul you out of bed and see a doctor. 

  • 1 month ago

    Yeah. That's a 14-year-old for you. Your house, your rules. Tell him "I'm sorry you don't want to interact with me. I am not going to leave my kitchen unless I want to. It's my house, you're not the boss of me."

    Oh, and I think it's a mistake to let him sleep in until 12:30. Tell him you expect him to get up in the morning.

    You can agree not to bug him if he's in his room, but he should take some responsibility for chores and cleaning. He's a member of the house, he should act like it.

  • 1 month ago

    That's not all that unusual but a little extreme version of it. Don't let him get away with it all the time, but do respect his privacy much of the time.

  • C
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    I remember feeling just like that at that age and trying to get away with that kind of behavior too. That doesn't mean that he should though. There are lots of things we want but it's not good for us to have. You know that expression "your rights end where mine begin"? It's like that politeness and civility too. Sleeping in at the weekend as a teen is okay sometimes but not making other household members walk on eggshells in their own home and not to wait on him hand and foot either at that age he needs to contribute to the running of the household by doing chores, though they don't need to be done every day.

    FWIW, it sounds like he has a lot on his mind that he's trying to process. I think this kind of crisis in not uncommon around this age, but the way the internet is now it's easy to fall into dangerous internet subcultures looking for the support of people in a similar place. Does he have a grandpa, friendly uncle or older male cousin who can take him out and chat to him in a "grown up" way to get to the bottom of what's troubling him? A boy that age can really benefit from a bit of guidance from an older male who isn't in a direct hierarchical relationship.

    You also need to lay down the law about the minimum civility required that's in no way optional. Tell him that he can sleep in as long as he wants on Saturday or Sunday as long as he has done agreed chores the preceding week, but he can't demand that other people not use the house and he has to have dinner with you politely and maybe cut him some slack by not barraging him with questions before he's formulated what the trouble is in his own mind. It's not okay to treat other people like inconvenient scenery no matter how you feel and he needs to learn that now. Also, I'd have a little snoop where he lives online, but not tell him about it. Unfortunately online communities can really reinforce harmful behavior. If what you see troubles you quietly put controls on his devices and also cut internet access in the small hours of the morning. Of course he will access the net in other ways but he'll need to spend more time existing I the present and maybe even get into reading. Fourteen in a good age to start getting into those classic books that leave a powerful impression and is a better "escape" from the self.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    This person is going thru a crisis and at that age it is often first relationship-rejection. But he may doing drugs, petty crime and/or has latched onto a bunch of thoroughly demoralizing conspiracy theories. It is totally unacceptable for ANYONE to shun their parents or act in a reclusive manner from them while living under the same roof for more than a couple of days. If he was older he could move out or you could help him move out. Certainly the shunning hurts those who are shunned.

    In the meantime try to be as patient as possible and then he may feel more able to be in your presence or even talk. It may be that he will eventually require counselling.

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