How can I learn to speak my mind and stand up for myself?
There are plenty of things I like about myself but there are also things that make me really insecure and when it comes to standing up for myself, saying what's on my mind, and making decisions- I have a terrible time. I have very little confidence so it's hard to voice my opinion and I'm such a people pleaser so it's insanely difficult for me to say or do anything that will displease the other. Specifically when it comes to my own romantic relationship, it's really hard for me to sit down with my partner and talk about something that's bothering me because I don't want to challenge him or upset him. He's done nothing to intimidate me or make me feel like I can't talk to him, this is all on me- I just feel like I'll lose him if I tell him something's bothering me. Or it's something as stupid as me agreeing to go to a certain restaurant even though I hate this restaurant just because I know he wants to go and I don't want to disappoint him.
I can never say what's on my mind, I always give in to what the other person wants (my boyfriend, friends, parents, etc.) just so they can be happy. If something's on my mind I let it fester for days or weeks or even months because I just don't have the confidence to confront someone even though I know I could do it diplomatically. I hate confrontation, I can't make decisions, and it's really affecting me. I really want to work on this and improve myself. Any advice please? Thanks for taking the time to read this.
- notLv 78 months ago
Confidence, you said it yourself. I unfortunately don't have any great wisdom of an easy fix to share. It is simply this: Challenge yourself, do it often, start with little challenges. Just choose a restaurant and see how it goes. Make yourself progress. Create challeges, exercises. For example: today I will find someone at the store with an article of clothing I like, I will approach them and compliment them. Do such little challenges until they are comfortable. Soon you will upgrade to approaching a stranger and creating small talk.
I can say hurdles that seem like roadblocks you will look back on and say that was easy. You are going to have to run and jump to find out. It will get easier as you look back on more and more accomplishments.
I can say I've dumped women like you because I couldn't take it. I have actually said many times if she can't choose a restaurant she's gotta go. I can say my ashhole selfish brother preys on women like you and will walk all over you. So this is important to overcome for you, it will shape the people who around you. You do attract the wrong people, the people who like the weak. I swear my brother had a 5th sense that helped him find the timid and lacking of confidence.
- 8 months ago
take a confidence building course and assertiveness classes and you will improve.
- BrianLv 78 months ago
My trick is not to care what other may or may not think. After all, I am the only one who has to live in my body. Only I get a vote on what I Do.