What do you think about my short aphorism on the dogma of religious people? ?
Just like children have imaginary friends, the adults have their "Gods"... Only with the slow and yet rapid progress of science, production and culture, only through the long flow of Time, only then will humanity outgrow this childishness....
- sparrowLv 72 months ago
It's not poetic at all. It's too straight forward, and smacks you right between the eyes,
as delicate as a can of sardines, or a fart in church,
rather than being subtle, poetic and beautiful.
- JoeLv 52 months ago
I think my karma just ran over your dogma....
- John PLv 72 months ago
There is at least one inconsistency in your writing. And have you ever checked what "aphorism" means?
And note that, in these modern scientific days, religions of various sorts (some quite extreme) seem to be on the increase in some parts of the world.
- megalomaniacLv 72 months ago
I like the overall sentiment but I agree with other answers that it isn't succinct or "pithy" enough. I also didn't like your use of punctuation and why did you capitalize "time"? If you can refine it a bit you might have something.
P.S. - Every piece of writing, large or small, needs to be revised and edited several times before it is ready for presentation. This is often the most painful and/or tedious part of writing and thus the most neglected.
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- TinaLv 72 months ago
It isn't an aphorism. The definition of an aphorism is 'a pithy observation which contains a general truth."
This is very far from pithy, it's repetitive, contains the contradictory phrase 'slow yet rapid' - just how can anything be slow but quick? and doesn't contain a general truth.
For instance, not all children have imaginary friends, and by no means everyone agrees that adults who believe in a god are the same as those children who do have imaginary friends (by the way, I've never come across any.)
What you have there is a rather clumsily expressed opinion.
Examples of genuine aphorisms include:
Easy come, easy go.
The early bird catches the worm.
All that glisters is on gold.
You see - brief and to the point.
- 2 months ago
its different but your words are immature and boring
- Anonymous2 months ago
My, how original! Also, not a poem.
- 2 months ago
Just as children have imaginary friends, they imagine that they don't need God. Don't worry, you'll know better when you grow up.