Relationship problem. I need some real advice.?
Me and my fiance have been together for 7 years and have 2 young daughters together. She works full-time and I own a pool service company and only work 3 days a week but take care of the girls everyday (back and forth from school, babysitter, feeding, baths, etc...). Anyways I'm at home almost always. The one thing I like to do and have been doing for years (even before I met my fiance) is to watch Sunday football with my buddy. Anyways she's always had a problem with me watching football. Well last night it blew up.. I came home and we got into a argument. I lost my temper and started hitting stuff and throwing furniture around like a little kid. I was so upset that I packed my things and left the house (she owns it) and told her I was done and moving out.
Anyways I came back and apologized. She isn't having it and said the only way we can work it out is if I never watch football outside of the house again. I love her more than football of course but I'm not sure if it's okay for a person to tell the other person that you have to stop doing something in order to keep her. I've watched football every week for the past 10 years and we've only really got into about three arguments out of that time. But I do enjoy the relaxation and escape that Sunday football brings to me. I work hard all week and I'm always home and that's my only chance to get out of the house really. I don't want to lose her and I really don't know what to do. Any suggestions?
- Barb OuthereLv 712 months ago
Any suggestions? Yeah, look at what's really going on in your head that simply arguing about watching or not watching a football game has you hitting things and throwing furniture about. That sort of reaction is very threatening. Whether its the first time or the third in years is irrelevant. That's not normal at all (and shouldn't be allowed to become "normal" either). I am married over 30 years and neither of us have ever reacted that way, not even once.
Then you need to find out what's really going on in her head too.
Are you really happy being the one mostly at home? Happy with the responsibility of the children? Do you wish she was at home more and you worked away from it? Do you feel OK as a man doing what you are doing? Is she earning more and is that an issue for you?
Is she happy with working more than you are and does that make her narky, more critical, when talking to you? Would she rather be home more? Is she feeling like she is missing the kids' milestones? That she is lacking something as a Mother because she's not there as much? Worried they might depend on you more, love you more, because you are there?
There IS something more at the bottom of this. Counseling may help the two of you two find more common ground. Work that out and I suspect the football won't be so much of an issue.
Oh and losing EVERY Sunday for YEARS to something that is just for you isn't fair. Means family can't have whole weekend plans because your interests take one day of it. Perhaps consider alternating weeks? Or missing the preseason games? Then being able to watch the semi finals, finals, and grand finals all in a row? Just one possible compromise you BOTH could be willing to try?
- Anonymous12 months ago
If she’s asking you to stop watching football then you tell her to stop continuing with one of her hobbies. You should stand your ground as she probably doesn’t even realise how stupid of an argument she’s causing.
- CarolineLv 71 year ago
I think you give her a little more time to cool off, but you'll have to chat with her again. Tell her that of course you love her more than football and of course you'd understand her ultimatum if ALL you ever did was watch football and shirk your fatherly and spousal type duties. Which according to you, you don't.
So what is the real issue that she has with this? Does she hate your friend or does she have long standing weird issues with football, or what? Do you two have a date night where she feels as though you put her above and before everyone else for that time? You sound like a good provider and partner, are you truly?
While partners don't always have to agree with how the other person spends his or her time and with whom (obviously no one who is a threat to the relationship), they should always respect the other person's RIGHT to have some time to his or herself. They certainly don't get to dictate that in my opinion. A fair question would be to ask how she would feel if you insisted that she never [insert her favorite activity without you here] ever again.
And does that mean that if football is on at a place where you happen to be, you're required to turn your head and close your eyes and put on earmuffs? Probably you'll have to carry them with you from mid September to early February, so plan accordingly.
I'm kind of amazed that her focus is on you never watching football again, but apparently hitting stuff and throwing furniture around wasn't a deal breaker. I'm hoping you apologized for that and have made a promise to yourself to act like an adult in the future, no matter what.
- LP7Lv 71 year ago
That's not fair.She's giving you an ultimatum.The only free time away from your daily schedule.Is it the football your buddy both or just being out of the house?Clear this part up because everyone needs time to chill from their regular responsibilities.Compromise.If she wants some "me time"at home,can the kids stay with family for a few hours while you are at your buddys and then pickup and come home together?
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- 1 year ago
Good. Your agressive and have a bad temper and act like a small child. I'm glad and hope she never takes you back. You don't deserve to be with anyone