Can i have a feedback for my poem?
The boy who didn’t have a choice-A Harry Potter based poem
In the wizard it world lived a boy
Arrogant,Snobbish and full of swagger,
His name was Draco Malloy.
Born in a wealthy Wizarding family
Whose blood was so pure
Spoiled by his parents
He would be a Slytherin for sure.
He was an excellent flier
And a mean spirited bully
He would strut around Hogwarts
Being all derisive and unruly.
When he was tasked by the Dark Lord
To kill the headmaster Albus Dumbledore
With whom his ideals didn’t accord
It was a heinous act Draco would abhor.
Burdened by expectations from his father
To be a worthy death eater
To Lord Voldemort he must stay devoted
So that in the eyes of the Dark Lord his father Lucius gets promoted.
In the battle of Hogwarts he did not participate
To a blood thirsty mongrel he did not degenerate
Inside of him there was always some good
He would’ve a been a better person if it wasn’t for his childhood
After which he had a change of heart
Now he treads on the path of goodness now that he’s got a voice,
He was just a poor boy who had no choice.
Line 1-In the wizarding world lived a boy
- megalomaniacLv 72 months agoBest answer
I didn't like the first line. The second line was better but it didn't fit with what was around it. That's as far as I got.
Not all poems need rhythm and rhyme but it helps. At the very least you need to go back through it a couple of times and refine it and remove errors. The fact that there was an error on the first line is telling.
- bluebellbkkLv 72 months ago
I'm sorry, but it's pretty poor. It has a most unfortunate resemblance to the poetry of William McGonagall, and if you haven't read any of his work, I heartily commend it to your attention.
- MarliLv 72 months ago
A thorough summary of Draco Malfoy, but not a poem. A poem might not rhyme but it has to have rhythm. ("Beats" as in music).
- Anonymous2 months ago
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- 2 months ago
you lost me at Harry Potter
- CogitoLv 72 months ago
I'm sorry, but it's not good.
You even got the name wrong - it's Malfoy - not Malloy.
Parts of it don't rhyme at all; other parts have a semblance of rhyme and a few really rhyme.
You've put words in the wrong order.
And NONE of it scans.