Mr asked in Arts & HumanitiesBooks & Authors · 2 months ago

Can i have a feedback for my poem?

The boy who didn’t have a choice-A Harry Potter based poem

In the wizard it world lived a boy

Arrogant,Snobbish and full of swagger,

His name was Draco Malloy.

Born in a wealthy Wizarding family

Whose blood was so pure

Spoiled by his parents

He would be a Slytherin for sure.

He was an excellent flier

And a mean spirited bully

He would strut around Hogwarts

Being all derisive and unruly.

When he was tasked by the Dark Lord

To kill the headmaster Albus Dumbledore

With whom his ideals didn’t accord

It was a heinous act Draco would abhor.

Burdened by expectations from his father

To be a worthy death eater

To Lord Voldemort he must stay devoted

So that in the eyes of the Dark Lord his father Lucius gets promoted.

In the battle of Hogwarts he did not participate

To a blood thirsty mongrel he did not degenerate

Inside of him there was always some good

He would’ve a been a better person if it wasn’t for his childhood

After which he had a change of heart

Now he treads on the path of goodness now that he’s got a voice,

He was just a poor boy who had no choice.

Update:

Line 1-In the wizarding world lived a boy

6 Answers

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  • 2 months ago
    Best answer

    I didn't like the first line.  The second line was better but it didn't fit with what was around it.  That's as far as I got.

    Not all poems need rhythm and rhyme but it helps.  At the very least you need to go back through it a couple of times and refine it and remove errors.  The fact that there was an error on the first line is telling.

  • 2 months ago

    I'm sorry, but it's pretty poor. It has a most unfortunate resemblance to the poetry of William McGonagall, and if you haven't read any of his work, I heartily commend it to your attention.

  • Marli
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    A thorough summary of Draco Malfoy, but not a poem. A poem might not rhyme but it has to have rhythm. ("Beats" as in music).

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    2 months ago

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  • 2 months ago

    you lost me at Harry Potter

  • Cogito
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    I'm sorry, but it's not good.

    You even got the name wrong - it's Malfoy - not Malloy.

    Parts of it don't rhyme at all; other parts have a semblance of rhyme and a few really rhyme.

    You've put words in the wrong order.

    And NONE of it scans.

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