Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsWeddings · 2 months ago

Why boyfriend so good and at the same time so cruel with the people he loves? What can I do to avoid the break up, I dont want to lose him😢?

My boyfriend (very first boyfriend) is 23 years old, a good and hardworking guy and he is so good looking but he never realizes it. With me he's really good, protective, caring and everything. Once I told him 'why you never open up to me about my life?' Because he's really reserved, never says what he thinks, always so taciturn and speaks really little when he's upset. I made a mistake because the day he opened about his life (that he doesn't trust anyone because he grew up alone in hardships and nobody helped him, he has veen mistreated and grew up alone) I underestimated everything by saying 'everyone had this kind of problens' he told me about people who were mean and had perfect lives, got mad cause I called him 'still a child' and doesn't answer back to me anymore, ignores me and when I went to his place to talk to him he let me in. Answered back only with yes or no, didnt even want to get close to me. The whole time his upper lip was red and trembling and he couldn't wait for me to go out of the door because he was really speaking with monosyllabic words. He really doesn't want to deal with me anymore, and treats me with fake kindness, like he does with most people. It seems like he's acting hurt and disappointed, I tried to make up but he just doesn't care. He turns his way to avoid me on the streets or pretends not to see me. What can I do? Why was a small fight like this enough to ruin our relationship. I really love him I dont want to lose him. What can I do?

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  • Jerry
    Lv 6
    2 months ago
    Best answer

    So this is a very private person, a person who would rather not have conversations about "feelings," and you hounded and badgered him to have this conversation he would rather not have -- and then trivialized and dismissed what he revealed and insulted him. So yeah, he's hurt. And disappointed in you for abusing his trust in this thoughtless way.

    To him, this wasn't "a small fight." I was a revelation of what you're like, of your lack of thoughtful consideration, of poor character. He's probably gone for good.

  • 2 months ago

    Tell him all this... have a heart to heart with him like he opened up his heart to you...since now you know how it feels.

  • 2 months ago

    You do not sound compatible. In fact he does not sound like he is ready to be in a relationship.

  • 2 months ago

    Not sure why this is in weddings, but it sounds to me like you blew it. You called it a "small fight", and maybe in your eyes it was. That's pretty odd, though. You finally got him to open up a little, which involves a lot of trust. Instead of listening and being supportive, you minimized it by saying we all have these issue (we don't), and then calling him a child. You say you "love" him, but this isn't love.

    In that moment, he learned he can't trust you. And he's right.

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  • 2 months ago

    It seems he has some issues, and is not responding appropriately.

    Consider therapy (for him alone, and couples together)

  • 2 months ago

    Neither of you sounds ready for marriage or a relationship.

  • 2 months ago

    It will never get better. His cruelty won't subside. You have to want a kinder better person.

  • Ricky
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    You already lost him

  • Teal
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    You regret hurting his feelings, but do you actually regret what you said? It sounds like you think he is immature and overly sensitive. Maybe that's fair, maybe it isn't. Regardless it sounds like this conversation revealed that you two are incompatible in some basic ways. You want to be with a guy who is open, expressive, and has dealt with his baggage. He wants to be with a woman who is patient, understands what he has been through, and can accept his reserved personality. Neither of you will change and you both would be happier with other people. He is going to break up with you any day now, just cut to the chase and get it over with yourself.

  • 2 months ago

    I doubt you can change him. First, he has to be willing to admit he has a problem. Then he needs the help of a trained therapist. There is an old saying that says "hurt people, hurt people. It has always been true and probably always will be. One of life's lessons that you need to learn is that you don't always get things you want. This sounds like one of those times to me.

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