It's been two years, daughter hasn't forgiven me for putting her cat down after expensive procedures?
My daughter moved out when she was 19, and got herself a cat from the pound. She had been attending school, and working full time. When she was 22 her cat got really sick. She spent over two thousand dollars on vet bills, and a surgery. The cat was better for a few weeks, then got sick again. She was about to max out one of her credit cards on a thousand dollar procedure that wasn't even guaranteed to help the cat. So I took the cat to a different vet and euthanized her.
I thought I was doing what was best for both the cat and her. She didn't have the extra money to keep taking this cat to the vet. She went through all her savings and was about to go into debt for this cat. She was mad, and after a few months I thought she'd get over it.
She rarely comes home to visit, phone calls are curt, and while she isn't disrespectful there is an obvious distance between us. She told my other daughter that she was trying to let it go, but is so angry, hurt and nothing can bring back her cat, and it wasn't my place to decide what to do with her animal.
Does anyone have any advice?
I have apologized, offered to buy her a new cat, and even recently suggested family therapy. She says it's fine, she doesn't want another cat and doesn't want to go to therapy.
She was at school when I was visiting, and I took the cat then.
Update: I finally had a heart to heart you can say with her. She basically said that there was nothing to fix. That she knows for next time what to do to protect herself. She says it's easier she keeps her personal life to herself, and just focus on our relationship from a far. It wasn't what I wanted to hear at all. It's sad to hear that she is okay with how our relationship is at this point.
- 9 months ago
what you did was not only a shitty parenting job, but ILLEGAL. You didn t have ownership of that animal and took it from her home, meaning she could not only take you to court for THEFT but many other things as well. Also, if you went into her home while she was at school, she could charge you with breaking and entering, whether you used a key or not, you most likely did not have permission. I know I would take my mother to court for all of these things considering she was an ADULT, she had every right to waste all of her money on that animal. congratulations, your daughter definitely hates you now.
- Anonymous9 months ago
I'll bet this isn't the whole story. Perhaps there's been a lifetime of abusive behavior by you towards her.
- ZotsRuleLv 710 months ago
Oh please guys. You think this is REAL? It's a cowardly anonymous TROLL post. Just report for FLAME BAITING.
- 10 months ago
You should have just told her it ran away. Save the heartache and some money.
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- 10 months ago
How dare you? I don’t care what your opinions are on debt but your daughter is an adult. She has every right to spend her money how she chooses.
My cats are like my children. They are family. They are my best friends and closest confidants. I miss them when I’m gone and I often put their needs before my own.
What you did is despicable and if you were my mother, I would likely have nothing to do with you. You took a precious family member away from her and you need to pay. What you did was absolutely wrong and your daughter is being kind just allowing you in her life. Completely unacceptable. You should be ashamed. She will forgive you when or if she decides to and you better not rush her. Deal with the disgusting thing you did and don’t try to make it right because you can’t
- NathanLv 410 months ago
Another cat will not help, she needs time to think about this. If she was willing to go into debt then she clearly loved it deeply and had a strong bond - what you did hurt her and damaged the trust between you. There is nothing you can do but let her know that you are waiting, and will be happy to hear from her whenever she is ready
- 10 months ago
It was her choice to make. I wouldn’t talk to you either.
- Anonymous10 months ago
Your daughter is being far more charitable than I would be in her place. What you did was not only terrible, but also illegal. The cat did not belong to you, you did not have the legal right to have it euthanized. You stole a member of her family while you were a guest in her home and had it killed.
Your daughter is and was an ADULT. While certainly you could have expressed concern about her finances, that is the end of what was appropriate for you to do here. It was her decision to make, not yours. She likely viewed the cat as a family member, and you killed her family member. If you were my mother and had taken and killed my pet, I'd never speak to you again, and I'd likely have involved the law over it; but my mother would never have done such a thing.
When my oldest dog was a puppy, and I was about your daughter's age, he shattered his leg and needed expensive surgery to fix it. My mother expressed that it was a lot of money I didn't have at the time and thought I should have him euthanized. I had the surgery done. Yes, I went into debt. And then I made a budget and paid it off. It was not the end of the world.
Add: NONE of you have any idea what was in the cat's best interest. All we were told is the cat was sick and surgery wasn't "guaranteed" to fix the problem. Nothing is EVER "guaranteed" to fix ANY problem. For all you all know, the vet could have said there was a 95% chance the surgery would fix the problem. This decision should have been solely between the pet owner and their veterinarian. I treated one of my dogs for an illness two years ago. They gave him a 5% chance of survival. He pulled through and was back to normal in a few months. It is not cruel to treat an animal for medical problems.
This asker STOLE their independent adult daughter's property while visiting her, and had her companion killed rather than rationally discussing their concerns with her.
- edwardLv 710 months ago
I would be hurt too. Example, i had a car when i was 19 that i loved, i loved it soooooo much, i let my sister drive it once and then it was gone. I was livid for hours and sad for hours, i know a car and cat are different but the emotion i had was real. I let things go a lot easier than your kid obviously but she’ll see that it was for her own good
- 10 months ago
I agree with skeptik. Assuming your daughter had 100% ownership of that cat, you were in no position, parent or not, to take matters into your own hands and take the life of an entity so cherished by your daughter.
Yes, your intentions may have been good like skeptik stated, but depending on how your daughter handles apologies, you should let her know that you were in the wrong. You may have to apologize at every turn, at every chance, until one day, hope that she forgives you. There is no magic pill or button to make things better — only time and effort will tell.