Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Social SciencePsychology · 10 months ago

Writing advice?

A few paragraphs from my scholarship essay:

Middle school. These words trigger a flood of awkward memories: wearing the same sweatshirt every day, gaining fifteen pounds, spending ungodly amounts of time on Wattpad. But what I remember most about middle school, was not my actions, but my feelings.

I felt misunderstood by those with the most potential to help me. Teachers, parents -- those who had already conquered this troubling period -- they couldn’t recall when their life resembled mine. Hormones raging, growth spurting, acne thriving, stress accumulating, infatuation amok, middle school is an unacknowledged battlefield; I intend to be a medic.

This is why I go to Study Buddies, our school’s volunteer based tutoring program for middle schoolers. As a perfectly content high school student, I am in a unique position to help my tutorees, members of what I call “Gen Depression”.

I discussed the piece with my teacher for feedback, and while I think it's fine to refuse some suggested revisions, I don't think I'm going to accept anything she said. I know I'm terrible at accepting criticism, but do you think the clause, "members of what I call 'Gen Depression'" is irrelevant? I'm talking about generations and sadness!

Also, she suggested I replace "infatuation amok" with something that ends in "ing". I was thinking the same thing, since I clearly established a pattern, but I really love the phrase "infatuation amok" I don't know how to replace it in a way that improves it.

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  • 10 months ago

    keep trying dude

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