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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 8 months ago

My mother’s cousin had an extramarital affair over 10 years ago. Does this make her a bad person and bad mother?

Also does it make the man she cheated with a bad person? Apparently the subsequent divorce has made her ex-husband‘s life destroyed. He’s become a different person forever hurt by it.

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  • C
    Lv 7
    8 months ago
    Favourite answer

    On one level, yes, but life has to go on. People are complicated and you'll never know the inner workings of their marriage. Obviously there were problems, but your relative didn't handle that in a good way. Remember, people choose to cheat. Nobody holds a gun to their head. It's not called "cheating" if it's done at gunpoint.

    It's one of life's mysteries that good people sometimes do terrible things and terrible people sometimes do good things. You then get to decide where your personal tipping point lies in how you interact (or not) with someone after that, and with time maybe you adjust that because time can bring new information, different perspectives, and change people. I have a relative like this and she was pushed out of the family for a few years but there was a thawing over time. More than 20 years later we're friendly at family gatherings, but don't keep in touch otherwise. There's nothing to be gained from being nasty as she is after all the mother of my cousins and the granny of their children and being nasty on behalf of someone who has let it go would only hurt my favourite cousins.

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  • 8 months ago

    In a marriage it takes two to tango. When there is much communication, it is hard to miscommunicate. They should work hard to get each other to build on the relationship,not to let anything hinders. It is not one thing or two that can cause extramarital to happen. Something was neglected, something was not taken care of, something was not talk and verified.

    It's just a relationship that was not talk over. If one apologise, if one explains, if both needs met, they can still move on in life. If they remain silent, not willing to let go or forgive that's how it will stay. This lets people around to be careful not to step into such a minefield.

    It is not about good or bad.

    Divorce doesn't destroy life. It is just a relationship. There's so much of skills to acquire, so much work to be done, if the life partner doesn't want to be part of his life, his love for her will never change no matter where she is. He can still show love to her and win her back.

    But he just stayed and not move....

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  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    There's too much possessiveness involved in marriage. There needs to be a new concept other than marriage when it comes to procreation. I don't know what that new concept might be, but this current obsession with making each partner the exclusive possession of the other is not healthy.

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  • John P
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    In general world terms, especially in the liberal western world, having an affair seems not to be a huge matter these days. But it would depend on the particular society which you are living in.

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  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    Yes of course it does

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  • 8 months ago

    Yes , but it is not for you to judge.

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