Living with a gun owner who has dementia?
We live with my Wife s Grandfather. We moved in after her grandmother passed away. He has dementia. He s also a diabetic, and an alcoholic. That s a very bad combination. And even worse, He s a gun owner. Lately he s been getting increasingly aggressive. Getting angry at anything and everything for no reason. The other night he saw a shooting on the news. It was three cities away. But he become very angry, and started saying. "I need my gun, if anybody comes in here i ll shoot em". If a normal mentally healthy person said that. I wouldn t think much of it. But this man has delusions because of his dementia. He had a problem with his diabetes a few weeks ago, and passed out in the kitchen. He has one of those monitoring systems so when he fell, it set off an alarm. 911 called the house and asked if he needed help. He said yes. So the paramedics came. Now two weeks later he s trying to sue the city because he thinks the EMT s broke into his house. The other night he set his whisky down and forgot where he put it. He started yelling at my wife accusing her of taking it. There s been other incidents, But you get the idea. Nobody really trust this man with a gun. Not knowing what to do, I removed the firing pin from his gun when he wasn t looking. It s the only solution i could think of that wouldn t cause a big scene. I m just not sure if i did the right thing. Or if what i did is even legal. I want an outsider s perspective. Did i do the right thing? Is there a better way?
- Anonymous3 months agoBest answer
Please do not second guess yourself. I had to disconnect my aunt's car battery because she also had dementia, and was not a safe motorist, as she was driving a two ton bullet.
I would have done the same thing as you did, by disabling his weapon. He could very well become delusional, with family in the house, thinking that he is being burglarized, and kill someone by mistake. Please do not second guess yourself. He may never even know that his gun was disabled, so hush and status quo.
If he can sign his house over to a family member and he lives x number of years (in our state it is 5 years), a nursing facility cannot claim his home asset to pay for nursing home care, if that should be his destiny. So, if you want to protect his home, I would advise you do so while you still can. Also, it is good to get a power of attorney for him, so he can have other lucid people help him with things that may eventually be too confusing for him to handle himself, like handling his affairs, his doctor appointments, his banking and paying his bills.
You must be proactive and ready for anything because once something happens, your hands may be tied to help immediately. So, while you still have the chance, get the family together and be sure he has a power of attorney and a Will as that makes things a helluva lot easier.
It is hard to see a grown man lose his mind. To cope, just tell yourself that you have before you a grown man's body but a soon to be child's mind. It is hard to parent a parent, but that is the way you must handle him because as time passes by, his condition will only get worse. Good luck to you.
P.S. I took care of a relative who had Alzheimer's Disease and dementia was one of the symptoms. Luckily she never got aggressive. Her doctor suggested a 5mg Valium if she got aggressive, but luckily she did not need it.
- John PLv 73 months ago
I assume that you live in the USA. I also assume that laws where you live can forbid people with dementia from having guns anywhere near them, certainly not within easy reach at home. So you might have to enlist the forces of the law in keeping any weapons away from him.
- Alan HLv 73 months ago
He needs supportive treatment for his dementia.
The rest is peripheral
- JohnLv 43 months ago
He's a man obviously. Dementia comes in spells. Most of the time he should be lucid and normal.
I'm won't say how I'd handle it but I'd say you need to treat him like a man. And you just stole from him.
He's pissed off more now no doubt and even more paranoid because he's trusts you and you stole from him.
If you do things in secret why shouldn't he? You stole from him your his enemy and obviously allied with his enemies.
If you don't admit to your guilt and accept responsibility for your actions he may just sneak in on you while your asleep and cut your throat in some 'dekusuin' your his enemy. Oh wait you ARE you already proved it by screwing with his self defense.
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- 3 months ago
NO it's impossible..........
- CathyLv 43 months ago
Just move out of his house instead of mooching off of him.
Consider getting a job tooSource(s): www.Mises.ort
- Anonymous3 months ago
At some point he will need to go to a facility that can care for his delusional needs. That mean selling the house, but having read the history you would never agree to that, and placing him somewhere for his and the families health.
Why would you even question what you did as right?
- SkyLv 73 months ago
You did the right thing. Talk to the police and/or social services on what you should do next. Also talk to his doctor for advice. It's starting to sound like he's reached the point he should be in a nursing home.
- Anonymous3 months ago
If he has dementia, surely someone else (your wife?) has been placed in charge of his care/affairs. If not, the court system can help with that.
Once someone has legal authority to make decisions on his behalf, there is no legal issue with removing his property (guns) from the residence - and that is what needs to happen.
- DEBSLv 73 months ago
You might want to move this to the mental health section. There really is no legal question here. You're dealing with classic dementia. As care givers, you need to make sure everyone is safe while dealing with unreasonable behavior. I was going to suggest hiding the bullets, but taking the pin is even better as it is more discreet and removes the chance that he has other hidden bullets you don't know about.