Is my dad justified in getting angry at me for going out?
Is this normal behaviour/justifed for a parent?
I don't go out a great deal, I wil lgo out once a week to see my friends or once every two weeks, usually on a Saturday. I'm almost 19. Last night (Tuesday) me and my best friend were going to our local club because they had on an emo night (only happens once a year) so I told my dad I was going then staying over at hers which is a lot nearer. My dad was infuriated by this he was shouting and screaming at me saying he wasn't going to put up with it. I rarely ever go out to a club, he was angry and kept saying "leave it to the weekend" I'm a student and I've been studying hard since term started and he was screaming at me for going out later on that night. Is this justified? The fact he threatened to kick me out over something so small made me sad I don't get into trouble I'm a good kid, quiet. Am I right in feeling like his love is conditional towards me if he gets so wound up over that?
- Pearl LLv 79 months ago
maybe you should move out
- linkus86Lv 79 months ago
One thing about being young is that you have a tendency to make a lot of incorrect assumptions and never consider the other possibilities. So when someone surprises you, you automatically think they are the one being unreasonable because the issue must be about them or some made up problem they have with you (because you are such a good daughter/son). And then there is the frustration of not being treated like the adult you see yourself as being.
But is Dad justified for getting angry about you going out? There is no way to tell based upon this information. It's pretty clear you have not specifically asked what the problem is and instead made a bunch of incorrect assumptions. You need to specifically ask him why he is upset. And only then can you determine if he is justified in getting angry. But also only then can you work to resolve the problem to gain his approval. Good Luck.
- chris nLv 79 months ago
I'm assuming you're a girl? If so, he's frightened of losing his little daughter and going way over the top about it. Talk to your mother who could intervene on your behalf. You aren't quite an adult yet and you are still at school so his point of view is basically for your benefit.....good marks, good job, good money, good life. Also, you are at the age where kids fly the nest and that makes him insecure as well. If you are a boy, the same thing goes only with the added rider that as another male in the house, you are a contender for his crown even though you don't know it These things are subconscious.
- Coach SimonLv 79 months ago
Is it possible that his own father was this way when he was around the age you are now? In a quiet period take him back to when he was then and how he felt when treated unkindly by his parents. Do this sincerely with genuine interest - probably best not during an argument. That said, it might perhaps be effective when emotions are high. It is usually better to ask questions than to say things. Here are some general suggestions I make to younger teens in case you might get some helpful ideas from them. Ask to have a serious discussion with your parents about how they see things panning out in the coming months and years. It needs to be fairly rational, so if one of you becomes too emotional (e.g. angry) it would be best to time out and try again another time. Prepare in advance what you would like to say and ask: write a plan, even.
As you reach each birthday, for example, or each new school year, what rights, freedoms and responsibilities will you have? Chores, pocket money, curfews, dating, etc. will all come into it, obviously. You can't really expect something for nothing, so think about what you can put into the family and household as part of your negotiations as to what you can get.
If you are to grow into a responsible adult, it must be a gradual process: if they keep you wrapped up in cotton wool and then suddenly let you out of the box at eighteen, you won't have enough experience to know how to handle it.
That said, your parent(s) is/are responsible for your safety and welfare during this time: no doubt they love you and they themselves have the experiences you don't yet. Seeing things on t.v. and hearing your friends' (exaggerated?) stories aren't quite the same.
If they don't want to do this, ask them if they will please consider a plan and talk again in a week or so. All plans need to be a little flexible, as unexpected things can happen, of course.
Hopefully this will show that you have a maturing attitude to your family and your life.