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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 9 months ago

My husband was talking on the phone with his female friend for an hour while I was sleeping?!?

I went to bed and could hear him talking on the phone... I didn’t realize who he was talking to until he came upstairs and I asked him... i could hear what they were talking about and it wasn’t inappropriate but I feel like an hour is a long conversation especially this late at night and with a female single woman? Am I wrong to think this way? Should I be worried?

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  • 9 months ago
    Favourite answer

    No one wakes up in the morning and says :

    Man, today am going to cheat on my wife, is going to be a good day.

    What happens is, you meet someone at work, gym etc. You talk to them (basic introduction as is good manners) then it becomes a habit of seeing them everyday at work, gym etc. You talk some more and get to know them as a person... before you know it you exchange phone numbers for what you tell yourself is just work related questions or we are just friends... you talk and talk some more. Before long you start to pick up on their little habits, start catching yourself paying attention to what they are wearing, how they smell, what they look like, start to really enjoy their company. Then one day there's a "slip" and she /he kisses you or you kiss them, and for some people they might stop there, but for others where this has been building up for months or even years, it's hard to stop because by then it's an emotional affair which you badly want to also get physical. It's a slipper slope.

    Of course he isn't going to talk dirty to her or flirt with her while you are at home and could get up and listen in on him, but he might do that at work or wherever else they see each other.

    Men and women really can't be friends, one or the other always ends up catching feelings or wanting more.

    She's single, when you are single you are lonely, you seek companionship, it's only natural that you do, humans are social creatures, even introverted people want to be touched and want relationships. It's human nature and natural to want this.

    It's important to note that although you probably want to tear her head off her shoulders, that she is NOT the one to blame here, it's your husband. HE is the one that made vows to you, married you, not her, she owes you nothing, HE does. He has NO business talking to a single woman at all for anything other than polite conversion, why he even has her number is beyond me and why he is talking to her for an hour late at night is also inappropriate regardless of the subject.

    Tell him you'd appreciate it if he stopped all contact with her outside of work, and if it's not work they met at, then stop all contact with her period. She is single, that's trouble. Talk to him nicely, don't be on the attack, just say that you'd appreciate it if he would stop contacting her and would tell her that it's time their friendship ended because as a married man he shouldn't be getting that close with a single lady and that it's upsetting you his wife that this is happening. If this woman is any kind of good woman, she would respect his wishes and his marriage and stop talking to him.

    He is not spending time with you, to instead spend that time talking to another woman whose intentions could be to be with him.

    If he gets defensive about it and refuses to stop talking to her, then there's your answer... he has already developed feelings for her and isn't going to let her go.

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  • 8 months ago

    You obviously aren't comfortable with it so tell him not anyone here.

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  • mmm
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    my friend Joe and I went and had dinner and hung out while his wife went to go work out with her mother in law and sister in law and I'm a single girl

    if you are comfortable with it, its ok

    if it makes you uncomfortable - maybe you should get to know her

    PS: he asked her if it was ok before we went ahead . . .

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  • kristy
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    If you were sleeping, how could you hear him?

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    Talk to him about it. If they're close friends and she needed his advice on something an hour on the phone isn't that outrageous. So maybe try to find out if this friend is going through something big. You'll feel pretty bad if you find out they were discussing a death in her family or some recent dire medical diagnosis. The best way to intervene would of course be for you to offer some assistance if she's in a rough situation. Trying to make her your friend too will take the edge off of your jealousy and suspicion.

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  • boj
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    Yes youre wrong, a friend is a friend regardless whether male or female. If it had been one of his male friends would you be upset, NO, so dont be upset now. I think youre jealous that he had so much to talk about with another woman and not you. Talk to him about rebuilding your friendship and leave the wifey emotions out of it.

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  • Ana
    Lv 6
    9 months ago

    Make him nip it in the bud. As a husband, he should care about your feelings and also about appearances. He should care about the PRINCIPLE of things. And it’s wrong to be talking to a woman who’s not blood-related to him who isnt his wife or a necessary coworker, for an hour on the phone, PERIOD. Especially at night.

    So nip it in the bud with him

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  • 9 months ago

    Were they friends before your marriage or recent/new friends? How long have they known each other and have you met her?

    And what time is “late at night”?

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  • Anonymous
    9 months ago

    You should explain to him how this makes you feel.

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