My fiancee is a functioning alcoholic, I do not drink at all. Our wedding is in 2 weeks. I am having second thoughts about getting married?

My fiancee is a functioning alcoholic. I do not drink at all, and I do not like being around people that are drinking, but I love my fiancee and I deal with it. Now she is planning a party on our wedding night at our house with about 15 people to get drunk and sleep over at our house after the wedding. I love her more than anything, but her drinking is already causing problems in our relationship and we are not even married yet.

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  • 2 months ago
    Best answer

    Call it off now! You "love" someone who clearly loves alcohol more than she loves you. She wants a drunken orgy on her wedding night rather than a honeymoon with the person she loves most?! Come on - get real about this. We fall madly in love, don’t we, thinking (feeling rather) that it will last forever and is enough for a serious relationship. However, it’s very hard to live on an emotional high for very long. Eventually we start to come down from the ecstasy, excitement, strong passions and desires, typically after around 18 months to three years (people vary of course). If couples are friends, discuss their mutual values, shared ambitions, interests, etc., in some depth (obviously there will be some differences, which help make relationships interesting), and make plans, work on their personal development, etc., this can develop into a long and wonderful relationship. If one party feels insecure or low in self respect, it can make for a difficult partnership. It's easy to behave at our best when in love, but marriage, for example, requires a lot of self discipline, sacrifice, compromise and flexibility. If a strong friendship is not in place, the relationship will probably peter out eventually - or worse. Quite often we fall in love because we are lonely and allow ourselves to be won over by anyone who takes an interest in us. Thus we give away control to somebody else if we are not careful. This is another reason for taking things very slowly, and really getting to know someone before committing ourselves or getting too emotionally or sexually involved. Sex can be emotionally bonding, which is disastrous if the other things are not there: strong friendship, similar values and standards, common interests, etc.

  • 2 months ago

    If drinking is something which is not a part of your life value system, you're with the wrong person

  • 2 months ago

    Why did you wait two weeks before the wedding? It seems to me you are cold and heartless to do this. If you Love her and want to marry her talk to her about postponement until she gets her drinking under control. It is going to cost but I'm sure this will be worth it.

  • 2 months ago

    Wow. So she's having a sleep over in your home on your wedding night? Did you two plan on this together? No? Well, it's stupid, that's what. And those people who are looking forward to passing out in your house on your wedding night too drunk to go anywhere else or "get a room"? Are all drunks too. You got trouble brewing here. How about you put your foot down. Plan a party ELSEWHERE and grab your bride after two hours, ditch the drunks, and go off and have yourself two days that only the two of you share together. Get involved sir Get involved or call it off. You need to build a presence for YOURSELF in this marriage right now.

    • Stephen2 months agoReport

      Thanks for the advice! I'm probably going to call off the wedding. 

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    She'll get tanked and sleep with the Best Man at the wedding night party. Even if she doesn't, your life will be miserable. Imagine when you have kids and you have to raise them basically alone while she is drunk?

    I know it sounds hard and awful but if I were you I would get out NOW before you need a divorce lawyer and have to give up half your money and posessions to do so.

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    My father was a functioning alcoholic - diagnosed, not just my opinion.

    I had a TERRIBLE childhood, as did my siblings.

    I think you have issues if, two weeks prior to the wedding, you have your first "second thought."

  • K8
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    I would not marry an alcoholic. Absolutely a horrible idea. Call off the wedding. RUN!

    If for some reason you do decide to go through with this horrible idea of a marriage, DO NOT bring children into this nightmare. It is NOT right to do so!

  • 2 months ago

    Odds are this union will not last long. Sorry. If you DO go through with it, be smart. Don't have children. That will only make the breakup more painful and complicated.

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    You are a fool because this didn't happen overnight and you still asked her to marry you and went ahead with the wedding planning? Are you sure you are not an alcoholic too because no rational thinking person would do this.

  • A.J.
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    It gets worse, not better. Your choice is life. You cannot force someone to change.

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