How does a difficult, absolutely confusing and painful sexuality (as a group of general pattern types) usually affect itself and function?
If sexuality and sexual feelings (all the way to the most basic patterns) are only uncomfortable and intensely confusing for someone or if they mix with a lot of intensely uncomfortable, confusing and intertwined feelings or concepts, is it 'normal' for the sexuality to take those reactions as energy? (Either for horniness or to make you exponentially uncomfortable/confused/paralyzed at every possible association)
Is it normal to feel very painfully uncomfortable, confusing, etc. feelings in the pubic area before and during a confusion/terror, or by itself at the sight/thought that sexuality/nudity/etc might exist (NOT in any arousal-like sense)? (male)
Ideas on how to manage, neutralize/numb, etc. it?
It's been a bit extreme for me a lot of years and has always been very difficult and uncomfortable for varying reasons. I felt like asking for insight or answers on this part of it.
It's a bit extreme how much I censor or avoid for it. I'd go through a lot of torture to have a penectomy, castration, chemicals, etc. if I'd find anything safe.
I'm dedicating all my personal energy to not be as complicated, stressed, kind of paranoid and so on like 2-6 years ago and a bit before, but it's slow (if you'd think I could get meds like ssri's or anti androgens)
I've let go of regulating, caring, punishing, etc parts in me and I don't manage things like this now, but these were always very persistent patterns.
Sorry for my poor English in any case, only use it online. I've been drinking a lot. Haven't analyzed stuff much since early 2018. Very overwhelmed/unsettled for too long. Very sentimental now sorry.
The approach you're giving seems logical - giving them a place and something to compare themselves to. I can't really feel ok with the goal much if I am conscious of it. Regardless I don't want that. Can't neutrally think much now. Significantly intense emotions there to respect a bit.
I have worked a lot on it though for a year. It's a back and forth.Intensely confusing and unbearable
I need to say that you've been more than help and every couple days I think of you. I wish you anything well and you seem to be well and able to enjoy, be content, serene and what not at least sometimes, or at least I hope for you.
In any case thank you so much. I'm not doing ok and this meant more than anything probably could. Thank you so much.