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Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 9 months ago

I think it is borderline OK to visit his mom with his sister every weekend. You think?

My long-time-live-together boyfriend has a mom who is in nursing home and a single-mom sister. He has a brother who has a family seems always do things with his own family. Anyhow, I lately feel increasingly uncomfortable about him going to visit his mom every weekend, with his sister. I'm not asked to join. To be fair, his sister is the one asks him to go together. Always, they go and eat lunch or hangout/shopping for more than half a day. Technically it is alright for brother and sister to be close. Emotionally I feel left out and unhappy. There is always things she asks for help or doing things together that I'm not part of. A few nights back, I asked my boyfriend for a date night, but he said No because he had to go help his sister. That night, my understanding was he would be gone for 1 to 2 hours, but he came home after dinner with her. I was speechless and hurt. He didn't apologize or whatever and felt rightfully so. It feel very uncomfortable. Am I wrong in my thinking?

3 Answers

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    9 months ago

    Sounds like his family is in crisis trying to figure out to deal with an aging parent. You may simply be too selfish at this point to be of any use to this guy. Maybe take a break, move out and work on being less about you while he and his sister come to terms with the end of their mother's life. Gaining some perspective on how it's actually a good thing for a guy to care about family might help you approach the situation with a new attitude. This is the kind of guy who's going to decline social invitations from his friends to stay home with you when you're sick. This is the kind of guy who'll tell others he needs time with you and your child should you ever have one. He's got his priorities right but you need to catch up to that.

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  • 9 months ago

    maybe you should get another boyfriend that will want to spend time with you

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  • 9 months ago

    Not necessarily wrong, but with all due respect this comes across as a bit selfish.

    Your boyfriend has two family members who are in difficult circumstances. A parent in a nursing home is a very emotionally draining experience, and it sounds like his sister is going through this with the additional stress of being a single mom. I respect that the two of you need your together time... but it it sounds like your bf is burning the candle at both ends. And maybe he is subconsciously relying on your strength and independence while he works through this.

    In terms of how you go forward, my best recommendation are the 5 P's. Prior Planning Prevents Poor Performance. Maybe you ask to go along to the nursing home. It might not be fun, but it's together time. Maybe if that's not possible, you start doing what you can to make evenings special. Make a home cooked dinner, plan a night at the early movies, go out for a cup of coffee.

    It sounds like time together is your love language...

    • Pythagoras
      Lv 7
      9 months agoReport

      Let him know in the most nonthreatening, tactful way that you love and respect what he is doing for his family, but you would like to work in time with him too. You know that he is working his way through difficult times, but you want to help him... And do things together.

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