Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsOther - Family & Relationships · 3 months ago

Was I abused?

I am confused about the relationship that has been occurring between me and my step dad since I was 14 in 2011 and hasn’t stopped. The night we first had sex was the day of a family party. My mum had gotten very drunk and had to be helped to bed. That night he came into my room and we cuddled. We are a very cuddly family. The cuddling then became sex. He didn’t force me and stopped half way through saying it was wrong. Later that night I ended up performing oral on him. We continued to have sex behind my mum’s back when she worked her night shifts and sometimes, I would be the one initiating the sex. I remember he would tell me this wrong and I should be interested in boys my own age, but we’d always ended having sex again. I am confused about if it was abuse or not with me initiating sex as well. He always made sure during the sex that I was okay and asked if I wanted to stop. I really love him but sometimes it has felt wrong. We have continued to have sex and I am now 22 years old and live in my own place. My mum and step dad have recently broken up because of domestic violence and I have seen him since and we have slept together a few times. I struggle knowing if what we have done is wrong because we have cheated and lied or is it wrong because it was abuse. I feel disgusted with myself sometimes like I have betrayed my mum. I struggle knowing if what happened was abuse because I initiated some of the sex myself.

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  • Anonymous
    3 months ago

    Of course you were abused. You were raped as well as a victim of incest. It doesn't matter that he was a STEP parent, it is still incest because he had legal parental control over you. Please do not listen to ignorant people here who are telling you that you were not a victim. You absolutely were, legally and morally. It doesn't matter if you initiated some of the sex. You were the CHILD, he was the adult. It is HIS responsibility to set appropriate boundaries. The reason why you likely began acting out sexually was because of the first night he came into your room and violated you. It is not at all uncommon for children who have been sexually abused to begin to act out sexually. I'm not entirely convinced that this "cuddling" you speak of was innocent. I think the cuddling was actually GROOMING. Pedophiles often groom their victims by cuddling, hugging, kissing, wrestling, tickling, "accidental" brushes against private parts, etc. This is an extremely common tactic. You need help and your former stepfather needs to be in PRISON. Please seek professional counseling right away. You must be able find a healthy way to cope and come to terms with what happened to you, or else it will eat you up and begin to manifest in some very unhealthy ways.

  • 3 months ago

    If you were having sex with your step Dad at 14 ,yes it was and it should be a police matter.................

  • 3 months ago

    I know this is hard to understand and the damage has been done. Please for your own happiness, find a way to talk about it where you feel safe.

  • Anonymous
    3 months ago

    No, you initiated the sex so of course you were not abused.

    Probably you feel guilty about it now so are trying to convince yourself that it happened because you were "abused".

    • Chae-won3 months agoReport

      She was 14. Um, Legal is = 18. It was statutory rape. This is not hard to understand.

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    3 months ago

    Um, yeah, that's pretty much classic sexual abuse of a minor. You're confused because he's good at this...to the point where one wonders how many other girls he's brainwashed and raped over the years. Newsflash: As a victim you're legally incapable of initiating sex as you are emotionally unable to consent. If you want to skip the part where you report this to the police (so he can go onto to destroy more girls) I guess you'll do that. But you at least have to get yourself into therapy to try to make sense of what happened to you. If you don't do this you'll be a victim all your life, and not just of your stepfather. Women like you will always seek out the users and abusers until they work through counseling to learn to respect themselves.

  • 3 months ago

    You need help. The both of you. That's sick

  • Alan H
    Lv 7
    3 months ago

    Because of the age at the time, yes it was abuse.

    BUT, continuing as an adult is deliberate choice.

    You know what you ought to do. You are both betraying your

    Mother

  • 3 months ago

    Probably everyone is in some way

  • Anonymous
    3 months ago

    yes you was abused as you was underage.

  • Anonymous
    3 months ago

    Nope...................................

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