How do I make it easy for my wife to heal after she has been sexually assaulted?
My wife was sexually assaulted and it has changed a lot of things between us.
She's on edge all the time, she has nightmares and ptsd, and she just has these scary dead eyes all the time. She flinches when I try to touch her and she has become very cold.
It has began to affect our relationship a lot. It's not the same anymore. She doesn't want to sit in front of me or change when I'm in the room. We don't even sleep in the same bed anymore but I don't want to leave the room in case she has a nightmare and wakes up screaming.
I guess what I am asking is how can I be there for her in a way that does not make her feel uncomfortable? I get that it's not her fault but I feel like it has made her detach from me completely. How can I make her feel better?
She's gone to counseling but we haven't seen much change yet. She cries a lot in the closet corner and it just hurts a lot to see her curled up there like that.
One more thing, before it happened, she used to like when I made love to her softly. Now it doesn't even make her moan but I was accidentally rough and I saw her body perk up. Is this normal? Does it mean she likes it like that now?
I just want my wife back.
- Just MoparLv 65 months ago
Time and Patience my friend
- AnaLv 65 months ago
She doesn’t just need a good counselor.
She needs real meaning in her life. She needs to forgive- both herself and her attacker. She needs peace. She needs love and goodness again.
To get that, she needs JESUS AND GOD. Not just “a counselor”.
- historyLv 75 months ago
No. Getting raped does not turn a woman into wanting sex that feels like rape. Your wife is numb and hurt. What does, "She's gone to counseling but we haven't seen much change yet" mean in direct regards here? Counseling 2x's a week for 5 months, for a year? A couple of times hoping for a quick cure? How long ago was the rape? Detachment is common. There is no such thing as "make it easy" to heal so that you can benefit from it. That's really sorta *** backwards even though you clearly want to care for her. Unfortunately, asking that she feels better so you get what you want might feel, to her (and she's not alone in that), that you getting what you want is the big picture here. That's not healing.
Marriage = "for better or for worse..."
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- FoofaLv 75 months ago
Counseling after an event like this takes time. It's somewhat unusual that she can even make herself have sex right now. Maybe you should take a break on that until she's "normalized" intimacy again because rape survivors can fall into patterns where they pathologize sex/violence and get those things mixed up in their heads. You should go discuss this with her counselor too so you don't do anything that's going to make her recovery more difficult.
Find another counsellor. Be patient with her.
- Anonymous5 months ago
Ew omg how gay, stupid and dramatic. There’s people all over the world that have an incurable illness. Why am I going to waste time on this psycho ***** who claimed to be raped and acts like a dramatic dumbass crying in a corner . That’s so stupid. You talk like she’s a baby that need attention right away. Super gay and I don’t believe this crap. Manipulative *** whore. Ugly people need to lie in order to make someone care for them.
- .Lv 55 months ago
The assault must have been life threatening and now she's suffering with this horrid ptsd. You need to find a therapist that can work well with assault victims. The therapist might even suggest having her hospitalized so she can get the care and therapy that she needs.
Please don't take this personally, she needs to have you there to help work with her, her therapist might even give you suggestions on how you can help.
- LoganLv 55 months ago
You should stop having sex to start with. Sexual trauma isn't something you can just steamroll through and keep going. With something like this you just have to be patient, take it slow and figure out what's going to work. It's going to take a lot of time and a hell of a lot of work on both sides.
- TjLv 75 months ago
Take her for some help, she needs a good therapist.