My grandmother treats me really bad. Is it my fault?
To pile on top of it - I'm transgender. FtM. At times she seems to be supporting and allows me to get the stuff I need in order to transition. Other times she doesn't. Calling me by She purposefully, saying, "When you do what I want you to, I'll call you a he." And I have tried do exactly what she tells me but she never holds up to what she says.
I feel like I'm being a petty dick because of how she treats me but I can't help it!
I have no where else to go. My dad is dead and my mother abandoned me. One of my brothers doesn't have enough money to take care of me, and all my friends are states away from me. She also blames me for my mother leaving. Everything is my fault in her eyes I guess.
But at the same time, she allows me to have birds and a cat, She took me to go see my friend a few states away, and some other things that I can't remember. She has locked me out, sprayed cleaner into my eyes, sexually harassed me, and doesn't even seem to care when I'm in a fit of tears or on the verge of a mental breakdown, but I feel like I have no place in being petty because of what she's done for me.
Am I in the wrong for feeling like this? Is this all my fault? I'm so torn.